I’m a serious football fan (go Broncos) and enjoy a good-hearted rivalry with a number of friends about their teams. But when the news broke about Jovan Belcher of the Kansas City Chiefs, rivalries were set aside – among friends and among teams – to try and process the tragic turn of events.

The Chiefs decided, with the League and others, that playing today’s game would help everyone involved to deal with the situation. There has been some controversy surrounding the decision, with strong supporters on both sides. All I know is that I cannot imagine how Coach Romeo Crennel is functioning today, having witnessed one of his players commit suicide and learning that same person had just murdered his girlfriend and mother of his child.

As a leader, it’s got to be hard to know what’s the best thing to do after a tragedy occurs. Do you keep routine? Do you allow some people to not perform their duties? There are several excellent articles and resources available to employers who experience workplace tragedies (like this one). A few of my own thoughts:

Be flexible: When 9/11 happened, the owner of our small company was out of state and no one knew what to do. We had someone personally impacted (a sibling worked at the Pentagon – thankfully uninjured) and others were just trying to figure out if anyone they knew was flying that day. The owner kept the office open, but let people go home if they needed to. This allowed everyone to handle the situation in a way that worked for them.

Offer support: All articles on workplace violence stress the need for the availability of professional mental health support. Whether you have an EAP(employee assistance program) or need to reach out to a local agency, make sure those affected have access to help, both immediately after the incident and down the road. Reaction times vary, and shock may prevent people from processing the incident until weeks or months later.

Listen: I was student teaching when Columbine happened and was across the street when helicopters and police descended on the high school. I had requested Columbine as my placement but was at a nearby high school instead. Many of my students had friends impacted by the shootings, as were fellow teachers. I was so impressed by teachers and leaders who understood the best thing they could do to help their students and coworkers was to simply be there to listen when needed.

Hopefully, you will never have to experience what the Chiefs are going through today. Whether or not you agree with the decision to play, it’s important to respect the choice and hope it helps those impacted to feel like they’re doing something. And for the only time this year, I say…Go, Chiefs.

All the news stories of how unhappy many workers are about Black Friday becoming Black Thursday conjured up images of how THAT team meeting must have gone.

“Uh…yeah…and you know how normally you guys get Thursday off to spend with your family and gear up for the craziness of the day after Thanksgiving?  Um….not so much.  Hey, think of it this way – now you don’t have to do the dishes!”

No matter how it was announced, I can’t imagine it went well.  My very first job was working in a movie theater, and management was very upfront about the expectations, “If you can’t work Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day, you can’t have a job.”  Even though we all knew we were going to have to work that day, there were still several employees who complained and whined (and even quit) because it was so ‘unfair’.  (No one does drama like teenagers in a movie theater!  It was entertaining.) Now imagine being blindsided by the decision.  Think retail workers can’t do drama?  Or office workers?  Or executives?

As a leader, you are going to make decisions that will upset your team.  It’s the nature of business and a reality that you can’t please all of the people all of the time, so don’t try.  What you CAN do is prepare yourself and your team properly to deliver the message clearly, confidently, and with empathy.  Here are some things you can do to help ease the pain:

• Remember, it’s not a popularity contest: We get it.  Human beings like to be liked.  Conflict feels icky and bad news makes people sad.  Get over it.  As the boss, you have to keep the big picture in mind and be willing to make the decisions that are right for the business.  Give yourself the permission to make the decision and accept that people may give you the stink eye for a week or two. Be confident in your choice and deliver the message that way.  If YOU don’t own the decision, how will your employees?  That doesn’t give you the permission to bulldoze people with your decisions, though….
• Make the decision for the RIGHT reasons…and share them: People will get over unpopular decisions IF they are made for the right reasons.  Can you honestly and ethically justify the decision as being the best one for the business that, in the long run, will pay off for your employees?  If the answer is yes, then share your reasoning and explain why you made the decision.  If the answer is no, rethink your decision.
• Deliver the message with empathy: “Because I’m the boss and I said so” is not the best way to deliver an unpopular message.  Think back to some of the bad news you’ve received – who was good at delivering that message?  Emulate that person.  Acknowledge that the decision is unpopular among the team and allow people an opportunity to share their point of view.  Explain the reasoning, and if possible, include your employees’ ideas on how to implement the decision successfully.  Oh, and if it’s bad news, do everything you can to deliver the message live and/or face-to-face.  Your employees deserve to hear it from you.  When geography makes email required, find a way to be available for questions.
• Know where your line in the sand is: Some decisions are final, some may have wiggle room based on additional input.  Do you know where your line is?  If not, and you allow a “final” decision to be changed because of a persuasive employee, you run the risk of losing credibility among your team.  On the flip side, if you refuse to budge on a decision that would benefit from some discussion and adjustment, you risk establishing yourself as a hard-headed, stubborn-minded jerk.  Be aware of how much debate you are willing to entertain, and make that clear at the beginning of the announcement.
• Practice, practice, practice!: All the intent and desire in the world means nothing if you can’t smoothly deliver your intended message (you know, the one with transparency, empathy, and good reasons outlined above).  Use commute time to practice the message OUT LOUD.  The more you say it, the easier it becomes.  Watch yourself in a mirror to ensure your non-verbals are appropriate (how you deliver a message is often more important than the message itself – it’s true!).  Use a trusted confidant to challenge your reasoning by asking difficult questions so you can practice answering them.  Whatever you do, don’t just “wing it”.

Let’s face it…an unpopular decision is called that for a reason.  So do everything you can to minimize the grumbling now and help your team see the long-term benefits.

Got advice for the rest of us?  Share below!!!

We have a dog. She’s three years old, 100 lbs., and is the perfect reflection of every inconsistency between what we say and what we do.

I bring this up because we are resplendent in the world of rhetoric right now, whether it’s politics, school, budgets, whatever. Companies are taking a hard look at their culture, trying to decide whether or not they reflect the company they want to reflect. “Brand” is an important topic for both people and organizations. Conferences are held, speeches are given, books are written and purchased….lots of things are being SAID. But what’s being done?

That brings me back to the dog. Her name is Bamboo (we call her Boo because two syllables sometimes seem like too much work). Boo is our second Akita (we lost the first, Dakota, to cancer a few months earlier). When we got her, we had a vision of what her world would be like. She would be well trained, loving, calm, obedient…and we would be amazing puppy parents – patient, consistent, fair. We took Boo to puppy kindergarten, did the clicker training thing, and shared our plan for how we would raise our perfect dog.

Well, it’s three years later. Boo is a happy dog with a great personality…who resembles very little of the quiet, obedient dog we envisioned. She’s a good dog with a mischievous streak who has more patience to try and get her way than the Simpsons children did when trying to convince their dad they should get a pool. She is selective about her training – she obeys when the cost-benefit analysis she’s conducted determines it’s in her best interests. (Yes, our dog does cost-benefit analysis. Watch your dogs. They do it, too.) She is remarkably inconsistent in her destructive tendencies – and we are fully aware it’s all our fault.

We are the ones who didn’t follow up on saying “no” – letting her on the couch because she’s so fluffy. We’re the ones who leave our shoes out where we know she’s going to get them – and then act surprised when she does exactly what her little doggie brain tells her to do. She is acting EXACTLY as we have trained her to be.

The same thing happens with people. People respond to how they are treated, not to the words that are said. Behavior is what is important, not a sign hung on the wall. If you want a good company culture, define it and then ACT it. If respect is important, don’t show up 10 minutes late to a meeting. If integrity is a core element of your campaign, show it. And if you’re disappointed in the actions of your employees, ask yourself what role you have played in rewarding that behavior. It may be that you are unwilling to change your behavior – that’s okay. Just be prepared to accept the consequences of such a choice.

Everyone is like Boo – we push the envelope, trying to find out what others want through trial and error, based in how others act. We want to be safe, happy and appreciated (with the occasional walk in the park). All it takes is consistent action – not more rhetoric.