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A peek behind the curtain: Blogging with a full-time gig

One of the great things about blogging is that your blog gives you a cathartic outlet. Have a bad day? Write about it on the blog. Shocked by something an employee said? Write about it on the blog. Remember something your boss did that made you roll your eyes so hard it gave you a migraine? You got it – write about it on the blog.

Funny thing is…that’s kind of hard to do when you’re a working girl. Well, not THAT kind of working girl. I bet they have the BEST blogs.

I’m talking about folks who have a full-time job in corporate America. You know, the people who work 9-to-5 (what a way to make a living). It’s not that we don’t have enough material. Goodness knows it’s not that.

The challenge lies in the fact once people at the office find out you write a blog, they tend want to read it. Which is actually pretty awesome. Until they start trying to figure out if the topic about which you’ve written is about them. Or the company. Or the CEO.

Here’s the thing. Yeah. I probably did write a blog post about you. But not specifically about you, more about the situation. Or you said something that triggered a thought about a scenario I read in another article that made me think, “Huh. I wonder if that’s a trend I should write about.”

Except for that one time. That was TOTALLY about you.

It’s a challenge to not translate everything at work into a blog post. I try to weigh the relevance for a wider audience and if it fits into the general leadership theme of my blog. I mean, it’s my blog so I’ll go off topic from time to time, but you get the idea. I also try to decide if it’s a lasting issue or if it’s a weird one-off that may never happen again.

Most of all, I have to weigh whether or not someone I know will try too hard to read between the lines and make assumptions about the topic and try to assign meaning that isn’t there. My views truly are my own. But it’s not that hard to figure out where I work (or have worked), and because of that, I try to be careful.

I suspect that many bloggers who have a corporate gig take the same care. In fact, there are several who use an alias because they are worried their content will anger the powers that be. The struggle is real, people.

So I wait months to bring up a “hot” topic. I change names. I allude to past organizations or use the time-honored “a colleague of mine.” I’m not above throwing in a “studies show” now and then, either. Sometimes I wait 3+ months to write about something because it is too raw and close to what reality is. Hence the occasional dry spell in content. Well, that and writer’s block.

If I do work with you and you read my blog, hi! And thank you. I think that’s cool. Just please don’t try to figure out if I’m talking about something at work, because by the time I write about it, it happened so long ago that it doesn’t even matter anymore.

If I don’t work with you and your read my blog, hi! And thank you. Feel free to make any wild conjecture that makes my blog more exciting to you. If it helps to picture bear juggling knives while balancing on a unicycle, I’m okay with that.

Ultimately, I write on this blog because I enjoy it and only when I feel like I have something to say that others may find interesting. Every once in awhile, I might take someone specific to task, but only when they deserve it and they’re a national story. (Or if there’s an in-joke that will make us both laugh.)

Would I write more freely if I didn’t work a corporate gig? Yes. Does it keep me from writing anyway? No.

And it never will.

You fail only if you stop writing. 

– Ray Bradbury

Words fail

For past two weeks, I’ve had a lot of ideas about blog posts to write – whether it was on the dangers of leaders failing to have self-awareness, the challenges of navigating your career, or the friction between similarity bias and our desire for inclusive hiring and working practices.

But then someone does something stupid in the real world and I don’t write anything, because it’s either too close to what I was going to write about and I didn’t really want to write specifically about that incident (*cough* Google *cough*), or the situation was so messed up and terrifying, all I can think is, “What the holy fuck?!” (*cough* pretty much everything from the White House *cough*)

So here’s what I’m going to write about.

Take care of yourselves. Take care of your coworkers.

Make sure you’re there to listen if they need to share. Make sure you’re okay respectfully ending a conversation if you realize you no longer want to engage with a toxic worldview.

Acknowledge people are feeling feelings and give them room to do so – as long as it isn’t harmful to others.

Encourage people to seek help if they need it (EAPs are there for a reason). Remind employees they have PTO if they can use it.

Don’t be afraid to laugh and be silly. The problems of the world are still going to be there after you take 5 minutes to watch a video compilation of cats in cute costumes. If someone tells you you’re taking the eye off the prize when you do that, you say, “Damn straight I am. Now look at Pirate Cat.”

Know your rights. Know the rights of people you disagree with. Understand what the First Amendment actually means in the workplace. Understand your state’s laws about worker protections for non-work activity.

But most of all, keep going. Look for the good. Look to the light.

Words can wait.

 

Vulnerability and Strength: An evening with Michelle Obama

We live in a world where the loudest voice is usually the one that’s listened to.

This is the world of the “alpha” (usually male, but not always) – the person who wants you to KNOW they are important, that they have no weaknesses, that they need no sleep, and they are the smartest person in the room…nay, the universe.

It’s exhausting, isn’t it?

That’s why it is so significant when you encounter a public figure who approaches their role as leader in a totally different way. Recently, that public figure was Michelle Obama.

I’ve had the opportunity to see her speak in person twice this year. The first time was at WorkHuman – a conference dedicated to thinking about work in a different, more “whole person” way.  The second time was recently, when the former First Lady spoke at the Women’s Foundation of Colorado’s (WFCO) 30th anniversary celebration forum. Both sessions were impressive, moving and thought-provoking. But it was at the WFCO event that I was really struck by the humanity of Michelle Obama as a leader.

(Photo by Jason Bahr/Getty Images for The Women’s Foundation of Colorado)

The conversation at WFCO was incredibly personal – less about policy and big picture approach (although that was there, too), and more about how she grew up and how her experiences as a woman (and especially as a woman of color) shape her view of the world.

It wasn’t so much about what Michelle Obama said; it was more about the WAY she said it. She admitted when she got emotional (even asked for a Kleenex). She was honest when she said the hateful things people said about her hurt. You believed her when she talked about her strength, and you marvelled at how matter-of-factly she warned against assuming she was the role model above all other role models.

Her approach suggests that a leader can show vulnerability while displaying strength. In fact, that very vulnerability is proof of strength – an understated confidence in self-worth that allows for the leader to lay their emotions bare.

Some moments from the conversation that stood out to me:

  • On family and background: Michelle Obama spoke at length about her upbringing, focusing particularly on the extended family aspect. Her love and respect for the “village” that raised her was evident, as was the high bar her father set for any other man in her life. (She’s looking at you, Barack.) She was also INCREDIBLY honest about the reality of her family, “We had our share of everything in our family – we had teachers, and police officers,…and drunks.” Takeaway: The extended support network gave her several role models who were vital to her success as a person and as a public figure.
  • On childhood and role models: One of my favorite quotes from the evening came when Michelle Obama discussed the challenges of being a teenager. First, she admonished against making any life choices during the teenage years. No one has any idea of what they want or who they really are – it’s not until you’ve lived some life until you become your full self. But the quote I loved: “I used to tell my daughters, please don’t get your life advice from other 14-yr-olds.” Takeaway: It’s tough growing up, especially today. Kids need role models everywhere – not just public figures. YOU could be someone’s role model.
  • On bullying and trolls: Here is where the reality of a public life stood out. Michelle Obama has been called awful things. She has had to endure attacks on her husband, her children, and herself. And these are deeply personal attacks. When asked how it made her feel, she said, “It made me feel the way they intended it to make me feel. But the question should be about my feelings. It should be about why that person felt they could say that in the first place.” Takeaway: Damn straight. 100% agree.
  • On hurting and pain: This is tied to the bullying discussion, but it’s so much more specific to those in our society who feel they don’t have a voice. “If under-represented people don’t say they hurt, then it lets the people who say awful things off the hook.” Takeaway: Voice your discomfort. Speak out when someone does something inappropriate to you or to others. Don’t let jerks off the hook.
  • On acting locally: Some of the topics touched on in the evening were as all-encompassing as education, healthcare, and setting public policy. But Michelle Obama reminded everyone to start locally. Each person has the capacity to be a role model, to help someone in their own way. Takeaway: We can’t all set national policy, but we CAN all treat each other appropriately.
  • On failure and strength: Michelle Obama talked a lot about the strength of women – from everything to childbirth, to high heels, to emotional tests. “Women live every day with thousands of little cuts they get from the rest of the world, but they still get up and keep going.” These cuts have become so second nature to many, that they don’t even notice them any more. And keeping with the theme of speaking up, the former First Lady reminded all of us to talk about our failures to keep role models grounded in reality. “Failure is like a cut – some are deeper than others, some hurt more than others. But all cuts heal with time.” The cuts change – they may scar, we may still see them, but they’re a part of us. Takeaway: The absence of failure is not strength. The ability to share failure and learn from it is true strength.
  • On running for political office: Michelle Obama has stated quite clearly that she will not seek election, now or ever. She will, however, remain in public service for the rest of her life. It’s too much a part of who she is and what she wants to focus on in the future – girls’ education, health, and helping women find a community for themselves for support. Besides, she’s far too experienced to want to go through a public election again: “I won’t be running for public office. I know you love me. Until I run. And then you’ll be annoyed by me. I know how this works.” Takeaway: We get it. It’s not in the cards. But maybe she’ll reconsider?

As angry as I get at misogyny and systematized discrimination (and I get angry), I’m not a “sisterhood” kind of person. It doesn’t work for me. As a result, the first part of the evening didn’t resonate with me (but I’m dead inside. Seriously, WFCO does some truly amazing things – check them out). I’m an idea person, not a person person, so it’s rare when I’m in awe of a person.

I’m in awe of Michelle Obama. Regardless of your politics, her approach to people and to leadership is inspiring. In her mind, it’s not about what she can do. It’s about what she can help everyone do – which is the mark of a good leader.

Vulnerability and strength. It’s a powerful combination.