10 (-ish) things leaders do that make me sad: Part 1

Okay, this is a list that started out as 10 and then settled somewhere in the vicinity of 14 (I have editing issues), so I apologize for the length. Because it’s so long, I’ve broken it into two separate posts.

There are more of them out there, I’m sure – these are the ones that stand out to me because of the widespread impact they have on an organization.

So here, in no particular order, is the first half of my list:

Fail to acknowledge their impact: Seriously – if you’re a leader, you impact your organization. Pure and simple. No ifs, ands or butts. So when a leader tries to pull the “do as I say, not as I do” crap, it just underscores a certain lack of awareness that leaders need to have to be successful. Don’t be surprised if your team throws each other under the bus when you do the same thing.
Lie: This one’s a pretty obvious no-no, so why do leaders keep doing it? Well, according to research – we ALL lie and cheat…at least a little bit. But some people are LIARS (all caps – I know!) – they misrepresent their skills, their team’s skills, the facts, just about everything. When these lying liars lie, it impacts the business’s ability to make good decisions, destroys trust on all levels, and creates a culture that no one feels good in.
Avoid conflict: I know. Conflict is icky. People might get upset. Voices might be raised. Eye contact might be made. Here’s the thing – without conflict, there is no debate. With no debate, the wrong decisions might be made because a leader was scared to “rock the boat”. Healthy conflict is ESSENTIAL to innovation and good business. The really annoying bit is that leaders who avoid conflict are often the first ones to say, “I told you so” when something happens that they suspected but didn’t bring up. Boo on them.
Treat “accountability” like a disease: As you know, this is my “thing”. So when I deal with a leader who is unable to embrace accountability, it really puts a little black rain cloud over my head. Lack of accountability comes in many shapes and sizes, but primarily boils down to two big categories – inability to accept accountability for something you did, and inability to hold others accountable for their actions. Both are damaging to the organization. A leader who keeps getting bad outcomes yet doesn’t see how he/she contributed to the situation will forever be blaming outside forces for their issues (unless, of course, it’s a successful outcome – then it’s totally that leader’s skills that did it, the aptly named “self-serving bias”). A leader who doesn’t hold others accountable doesn’t get results, tends to complain about their team a lot, and doesn’t understand why all the A players want to leave.
Talk more than listen: Leaders who listen get amazing results – their employees know they can take anything to their leader and it will be considered. Doesn’t mean it will be implemented, but at least their voice will be heard. Leaders who talk too much are usually GREAT speakers. They are often external processors. All that is well and good, but watch what happens to a team when a leader talks and talks and talks – there’s usually only one voice in meetings, no one is willing to bring things to the leader’s attention, people hesitate when the leader asks for ideas. That’s because people assume the leader’s voice will overrule all others. And that’s not good.
Roll their eyes: Listen, I’m a champion eye-roller. You can hear my eyes rolling from across the country when I think something is ridiculous. And it’s a horrible trait that I’ve worked hard to eliminate. The reality is that eye rolling is the manifestation of contempt – one of the most damaging attitudes. Leaders who roll their eyes are really just treating another person with contempt. They are sending the message that others are inferior to them, that they can’t be bothered to deal with that other person’s issues. It’s often an involuntary movement, but don’t think for a moment the other person didn’t notice.
Gossip: People like gossip. It makes them feel like they are in the “in-crowd” because they have secret information. And even though employees prefer to get their information from their manager, they usually end up getting information through the grapevine, so I get that gossip is a learned habit reinforced by years in the workforce. When leaders gossip, though, it is incredibly damaging. A leader’s words carry weight – speculation and rumor become fact when someone in authority says it. So come on, leaders – show some respect to the absent and stop gossiping.

Want to read more? Continue on to Part 2!

Want to argue my points? Leave a comment.

You da man! (whether you like it or not)

Once upon a time (1993), back when Charles Barkley was known better as a professional basketball player and not an analyst with a bad golf swing, he famously declared that athletes shouldn’t be role models. Nike even made a commercial about it. And while many people agreed with the underlying point the Round Mound of Rebound was making, the comment left a bad taste in the mouths of the public because the reality is that it doesn’t matter if you WANT to be a role model – sometimes you just are.

It’s the same for leaders. You may think you were hired for your business acumen, or your ability to set a vision for the company and produce results. Okay, you’ve got me there – you were hired for those reasons. But there is another line in your job description that may or may not be explicitly stated. As Uncle Ben tells Peter Parker, with great power comes great responsibility. And that responsibility is to be a role model to your organization.

This idea – “the shadow of the leader” – has been around for a long time, but was first studied in business organizations in Larry Senn’s 1970 doctoral dissertation (and his company Senn Delaney is still rocking the concept). Remember when you were a kid and you used to dress up like a super hero? Employees are kind of like that kid – they emulate the people they look up to, or who have control over them.

Here’s another way to think of it:

Think of a family tradition that has been passed down generation after generation. It might be a phrase that everyone uses, a certain way you cook something, game night, anything. For example, when I make a pizza, I always cut it into squares. Why? Because that’s the way my dad always did it. There is no real reason to cut a pizza into squares – in fact, some would argue it’s very inefficient. But that’s how pizza was cut in my house, and so that’s how I cut it.

In your organization, you’re the one cutting the pizza into squares.

The leader of an organization casts a shadow that influences the group culture. This shadow may be weak or powerful, but it always exists. Whole organizations often take on aspects of the personality of a strong leader (think Apple, Microsoft, Southwest, Virgin, etc.). It’s not so much that leaders force their style and values on others, but that employees tend to look upwards for clues as to what is important, how to get ahead in the organization, and how to fit in.

This is the power of the shadow in action – the power to shape and influence the character of an organization. Do you know what kind of shadow you’re casting?

One of the best things about the shadow of the leader is that you have the power to control it – you can take specific actions that will help you cast the shadow you want in order to create the culture you want. Below are some questions you can answer to help you be the leader you want people to emulate:

What are the elements of your shadow, both strengths (things you like) and challenges (things you dislike)?
What values, beliefs, and standards are in place within your organization because of these elements? Is that what you want?
What behaviors are you seeing in your employees as a result of these elements? Do you like them?
What elements of your shadow come from your desire to emulate a leader you had at one time? Did you mean to make that choice?

Once you’ve answered those questions, you are ready to create an action plan for change, thereby taking control of your shadow. Complete these sentences to create your action plan:

The elements I want to change in my shadow are…
It’s important to change this behavior because…
I will monitor my behavior by…
I will know I’ve been successful when…

If you don’t like the shape of your shadow, change it. If you don’t like the shadow of the person above you, step out of it and create your own. Whatever you do, be mindful of your actions – because (despite what Sir Charles might think) people are copying what you do, whether you like it or not.

We don’t choose to be role models, we are chosen. Our only choice is whether to be a good role model or a bad one.

– Karl Malone (well said, Karl!)

“Tolerating” Failure

“Mistakes are the portal of discovery.” ~James Joyce

I was on the interwebs this weekend, trolling through different news sites, reading articles and the like, when I came upon this article. It’s about a tattoo artist named Chris Baker who covers up gang and human-trafficking tattoos for free. Chris, who is also a youth pastor, believes everyone deserves a second chance and that by offering a way to physically make a break from their past, these people can move on and correct the mistakes of their youth.

I share this because a) it’s an amazing cause* with the potential to change lives, and b) the story got me thinking about my own reactions to mistakes. I’m talking specifically about my reaction to the mistakes made by others. (To be clear – YES. I MAKE MISTAKES. I AM FULLY AWARE OF MY FAILINGS. THANK YOU. But we’re talking about my reaction, not my mistakes. Besides, it’s my blog. So there.)

ANYHOO, a little background….When I was in grad school, 3 semesters into an MBA that I absolutely hated, I went to the career center to talk to someone about what I wanted to be when I grew up. If you’ve never been to a career counselor, you should know that while ultimately you may find it useful, the level of self-reflection, assessment, and analysis is fairly…what’s the word?…excruciating. One of the exercises requires you to look back at every single job you’ve ever had and identify the reason why you left. Granted, at that time there was a lot more movie theater retail/mom & pop businesses in there than there is now, but the process was very eye opening. A big reason I moved on from jobs was because I couldn’t stand it when people did things in what I perceived to be the “wrong” way. And that career counselor called me on it (dammit). She said that unless I figured out how to view the perceived failures of others in a different way, I would never be able to stay at a job for longer than 1 year.

This was a pretty big deal. After all, I wasn’t the one making mistakes – why should I change? [Office Space moment: “Why should I change? He’s the one that sucks.”] This kind person who probably had to deal with neurotic grad students all day pointed out the obvious fact I can only control my actions, not the actions of others (again…dammit). And that really got me thinking – why am I so unwilling to accept the mistakes of others?

Well, long story short (too late), it turns out that I have a tendency to view forgiveness and moving on as “tolerating” failure. I think that it somehow reflects poorly on me that someone made a mistake and I didn’t make a big deal about it. I expect people to not make mistakes that seem so easily avoidable (in hindsight) and somehow I’m disappointed when they do. It’s even more pronounced when the mistake is made by a leader or a respected peer. “Gee,” I think. “ Shouldn’t you have known better?”

The clever ones among you probably noticed the switch to present tense there – yes, I still struggle with making sure I view mistakes as opportunities to learn. Every day, I purposefully think about the way I react, learning from my past mistakes and ensuring that I give people the freedom to do the same. For those of you who struggle with the same challenge, I have a few tips:

Reframe, rephrase, reflect: Rather than thinking of someone’s mistake as a failure, I find it helpful to think of it as an opportunity to learn. The learning opportunity isn’t just for the person who made the mistake; the whole team should take a moment to reflect on what role they played (if any) and how we can all learn from the process moving forward.
Don’t judge – even jokingly: Okay, I suck at this one. I speak fluent sarcasm and it’s really hard for me to pass up a good joke. I am also aware that it sends the wrong message. Doesn’t mean I’m able to stop myself all the time, but I know I do it. And knowing is half the battle. (Go, Joe!) Set the example with the team and assume positive intent – most people don’t make mistakes on purpose. Besides, it takes a lot of guts to own up to a mistake, just as it’s embarrassing to be caught in a mistake. Let the mistake-maker keep his/her dignity and address the issue.
Transparency is your friend: I try to be very open when I make a mistake – call it out, own it, and explain what I’m going to do to fix it. In my mind, if we can remove the stigma of admitting to mistakes, we will gain more insight into what’s really going on in our business. Does this mean immunity? No. Not all mistakes can be overlooked, and we still need to hold people accountable; however, encouraging transparency by practicing it can still help bring issues to light and move the business forward.

I suspect many of you may recognize yourself in what I’ve written here. I share this with you because I think it’s important to build a culture where mistakes are embraced as opportunity, and where people can openly talk about what they need to do to be better without worrying that it somehow brands them for life.

*Note: If you’re interested in learning more about Chris Baker’s efforts with INK 180, you can read more about it here.

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