Tag: awareness

Tell your inner two-year-old to shut it

There’s a reason they call it the “terrible twos.”

Tantrums. Stubbornness. Attitude. Diapers (probably). And every parent’s favorite word….

NO.

Don’t believe me?  Watch this. Then go hug a parent of a toddler. They deserve it.

It’s kind of cute to watch a little kid try to exert some control over their world by saying no to every suggestion. It’s not so cute when it’s an adult in the workplace.  You’ve seen them – heck, you’ve probably even been one.  Goodness knows I have.  The scenario may change, but the process is pretty consistent:

  • Step One: Person A elicits heavy sigh.
  • Step Two: Person B asks what’s wrong.
  • Step Three: Person A unleashes a barrage of complaints, usually including righteous indignation about events that happened years ago.
  • Step Four: Person B makes suggestions about how Person A might resolve their issues.
  • Step Five: Person A’s inner two-year-old says NO. Cycle repeats.

angrytoddlerThe reasons that Person A relinquishes control to the inner two-year-old can vary.  Maybe it’s fear of change. Maybe it’s love of the attention being a martyr gives them. Heck, maybe it’s a passive-aggressive attempt to exert control in a situation that feels like it’s spiraling OUT of control.

Whatever the reason, the more we listen to the voice of that inner two-year-old, the louder that voice becomes, and that can lead to bad things. It’s exhausting to deal with someone else’s refusal to listen to solutions. At some point, Person B will stop talking to Person A, and Person A might gain a reputation for being “difficult to work with.”

Critical inner speech can impact your ability to find positive resolutions and can cause you to spiral into a pile of negativity that makes you incapable of acknowledging that success is an option, creating a self-fulfilling prophesy of doom. And in really bad cases, it can lead to life-threatening depression.

So do yourself a favor. The first time your inner two-year-old crosses his/her arms, pouts out the lip and says NO, you tell that kid to shut the hell up.  Then seek some positivity in your life – a coworker, a spouse/partner, a close friend, a sympathetic dog, wine. Whatever it is, help change the story you’re telling into something good.

Even two-year-olds grow out of their tantrums and laugh again. If they can do it, so can you.

Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
– Elbert Hubbard

Leadership and Learning: Reading is fun!

I like to read books. A lot.

I’m that annoying person who, during the course of a conversation, will tell you 2-3 books you should read because they are really good and would probably solve all the world’s problems and what do you mean you don’t have any time to read?

I’ve always been like this, and I thought everyone was like this. As a new manager, I used to suggest books for my team to read ALL the time, and I was surprised they weren’t as excited about it as I was. They good-naturedly (mostly) gave me a hard time about it, and occasionally someone would read a book.

Here’s the thing – even if they NEVER read the book, they were exposed to different ideas that might change their approach or encourage them to do a little research about topics that interest them. Basically, I made curiosity an expectation.

reading_rainbow

It’s for this reason that I say leadership and learning need to go hand in hand. As leaders, it’s easy to be pulled in a number of directions and use the excuse you’re too busy to learn anything new. Poppycock. If you don’t have time to read, use your commute to listen to Audible.com. Seek out people you don’t normally interact with and ask them about their work. Have lunch with a person you admire. If you have the means, find a conference or two to go to and connect with others in your line of work – or even outside of your line of work to expand your horizons.

Once you’ve done all that to keep your thinking fresh and current…SHARE. Share with your team, share with your peers, share with the world (Twitter isn’t ALL about cat videos, you know).

[Note: I just finished reading ‘Contagious’ by Jonah Berger. Check it out. Great stuff about making a message viral.]

Like I said, I love to read. It’s how I learn, it’s how I share. If I tell you about a book I read and I think you should read it…it means I care about your development and think you have potential.

When my boss suggests something to read – as an employee I LOVE it. When I suggest a book to my team – as a leader, it’s my job.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back.
– Maya Angelou

 

Got a book or interesting tidbit that you want to pass on? Share in the comments below!

You are who you THOUGHT you were! (a question of identity)

If you’re like most people, your life has been one identity crisis after another.

  • When you’re a little kid, you might have wanted to be astronaut, a doctor, a firefighter, a police officer….a stunt car driver.
  • When you’re in high school, you freak out because you’re a freshman – bottom of the social ladder.
  • When you’re a senior, you feel invincible – because you aren’t those puny freshman anymore.
  • When you’re in college, you decide you’re going to major in chemistry…no, pre-med…wait, art history…aw, screw it – business.

And then you start your working life for real, and you realize you’ve been answering the question, “What do you want to be?”, instead of, “What do you want to do?”

139580 green
He knew what he was talkin’ about.*

In our culture, we have learned to equate our job/career with who we are.  You can argue the rights and wrongs of this approach, but it’s a fact of life for most people in the working world.  I’m not here to debate pros and cons.  I’m more interested in honestly facing the impact our identity obsession has on our career decisions, and how acknowledging that fact can help us make better ones.

  • The Company: Whether it’s when you’re first starting out or are 20 years into your career, the name of the company on your business card can influence your choice. Do you join Google, even though the job sucks?  Or do you join ABC, Inc. – a relative nobody, but a nobody who will challenge and engage you on a daily basis? Easy money says you take the cooler sounding company because you know you have the opportunity to grow in an awesome organization.

    And yet…companies like Google are targeted by recent college grads, but not because of their job now, but because it will help them get a better job later. [Note: Peter Cappelli shared this thought in a presentation I saw 6 years ago – still searching for the link!]  Be honest about whether this choice is a destination or a stepping stone to something else.

  • The Path: At some point, you may be faced with the choice between remaining an individual contributor or angling for the management track.  A lot of people have no desire to lead others.  They like what they do, the challenge of the work.  The idea of dealing with the drama of others makes some people break into a cold sweat.

    And yet…some people think if they don’t achieve manager status, they have some how failed.  Is it enough to be “just” an expert in your field, or do you feel like you have to “prove” something…and maybe give up a piece of what makes you happy?

  • Title: Those in the know will claim title doesn’t matter, just what you do; and that truly happy employees are unconcerned with such trivial things as what’s on their business cards.  Plenty of us in HR and recruiting have rolled our eyes at the “Manager of Accounts” title that amounts to little more than a glorified salesperson.

    And yet…how many of us have faced those same recruiters and had to answer ridiculous questions about why you “took a step back” just because a title isn’t as cool sounding as as the responsibilities you have?  (Seriously, recruiters – you know better than to assume every company uses the same title structure!) It would be disingenuous to not acknowledge the influence that title has on our decisions.

  • Industry: My background has been in a lot of different industries – some exciting (VOIP, startups, alternate energy) and some not thought of as innovative (event planning, insurance, utilities).  Each industry I’ve worked in has taught me fascinating things and challenged me in ways I didn’t anticipate.

    And yet…there have been times in my past where I have hesitated to share what industry I worked in because it wasn’t the “hot new thing.”  If your identity is tied to being forward-thinking, envelope-pushing, and an all-around rabble-rouser, there can be some cognitive dissonance around the industry you choose to work in.

Each of us has made at least one decision (or more) in our career based on how we’ll answer the question “what do I want to be?” If we think we aren’t considering the coolness factor of a particular opportunity, and the way others might react when we’re talking at cocktail parties, we’re just fooling ourselves.

The ultimate sign of confidence and self-actualization may be the ability to simply share what you do when talking about your job…and being who you truly are.

We know what we are, but not what we may be.
-William Shakespeare 

 

*Because it never gets old to watch Dennis Green do this.