Tag: personal development

You are who you THOUGHT you were! (a question of identity)

If you’re like most people, your life has been one identity crisis after another.

  • When you’re a little kid, you might have wanted to be astronaut, a doctor, a firefighter, a police officer….a stunt car driver.
  • When you’re in high school, you freak out because you’re a freshman – bottom of the social ladder.
  • When you’re a senior, you feel invincible – because you aren’t those puny freshman anymore.
  • When you’re in college, you decide you’re going to major in chemistry…no, pre-med…wait, art history…aw, screw it – business.

And then you start your working life for real, and you realize you’ve been answering the question, “What do you want to be?”, instead of, “What do you want to do?”

139580 green
He knew what he was talkin’ about.*

In our culture, we have learned to equate our job/career with who we are.  You can argue the rights and wrongs of this approach, but it’s a fact of life for most people in the working world.  I’m not here to debate pros and cons.  I’m more interested in honestly facing the impact our identity obsession has on our career decisions, and how acknowledging that fact can help us make better ones.

  • The Company: Whether it’s when you’re first starting out or are 20 years into your career, the name of the company on your business card can influence your choice. Do you join Google, even though the job sucks?  Or do you join ABC, Inc. – a relative nobody, but a nobody who will challenge and engage you on a daily basis? Easy money says you take the cooler sounding company because you know you have the opportunity to grow in an awesome organization.

    And yet…companies like Google are targeted by recent college grads, but not because of their job now, but because it will help them get a better job later. [Note: Peter Cappelli shared this thought in a presentation I saw 6 years ago – still searching for the link!]  Be honest about whether this choice is a destination or a stepping stone to something else.

  • The Path: At some point, you may be faced with the choice between remaining an individual contributor or angling for the management track.  A lot of people have no desire to lead others.  They like what they do, the challenge of the work.  The idea of dealing with the drama of others makes some people break into a cold sweat.

    And yet…some people think if they don’t achieve manager status, they have some how failed.  Is it enough to be “just” an expert in your field, or do you feel like you have to “prove” something…and maybe give up a piece of what makes you happy?

  • Title: Those in the know will claim title doesn’t matter, just what you do; and that truly happy employees are unconcerned with such trivial things as what’s on their business cards.  Plenty of us in HR and recruiting have rolled our eyes at the “Manager of Accounts” title that amounts to little more than a glorified salesperson.

    And yet…how many of us have faced those same recruiters and had to answer ridiculous questions about why you “took a step back” just because a title isn’t as cool sounding as as the responsibilities you have?  (Seriously, recruiters – you know better than to assume every company uses the same title structure!) It would be disingenuous to not acknowledge the influence that title has on our decisions.

  • Industry: My background has been in a lot of different industries – some exciting (VOIP, startups, alternate energy) and some not thought of as innovative (event planning, insurance, utilities).  Each industry I’ve worked in has taught me fascinating things and challenged me in ways I didn’t anticipate.

    And yet…there have been times in my past where I have hesitated to share what industry I worked in because it wasn’t the “hot new thing.”  If your identity is tied to being forward-thinking, envelope-pushing, and an all-around rabble-rouser, there can be some cognitive dissonance around the industry you choose to work in.

Each of us has made at least one decision (or more) in our career based on how we’ll answer the question “what do I want to be?” If we think we aren’t considering the coolness factor of a particular opportunity, and the way others might react when we’re talking at cocktail parties, we’re just fooling ourselves.

The ultimate sign of confidence and self-actualization may be the ability to simply share what you do when talking about your job…and being who you truly are.

We know what we are, but not what we may be.
-William Shakespeare 

 

*Because it never gets old to watch Dennis Green do this.

 

Ode to #teamfaulkner (or, the one with the Hoosiers reference)

Not too long ago, I wrote about the importance of having a support network to keep you on track.

I have my own group – #teamfaulkner.

The concept was born out of the idea of having a personal board of directors.  (I don’t remember where I first heard about it, but this HBR article is a good overview.)  I had hit a point in my life and my career where I wanted to start thinking about the long-term, “what do I want to be doing for the rest of my career” questions, and I knew I wasn’t equipped to figure that all out on my own.  I figured I’d put together an advisory committee of people who knew me from various aspects of my life, and I would use them to explore what I might be when I grow up.  There wasn’t a timeline attached – it was basically an exploratory committee.  I figured I had lots of time.

Reality had other ideas, and my job went away as part of a restructure.

It happens.  It sucks when it happens, but it happens.  The good news is that I already had a ready-made support team as I contemplated my next move.

hoosiers#teamfaulkner helped keep me grounded after the surprise of the reorg.  They offered support and acted as a sounding board for different options.  They connected me to some amazing people who shared their thoughts on the state of HR and helped me explore various career paths.  They made me laugh (a lot).  They listened to me in my whiney moments.  They took time to reach out individually as needed.  They let me bounce ideas off them, sharing opinions on various interviews and job options.  They told me what they thought while still leaving room for me to think it through.  And they supported me when I decided on where to land.

They were great.  They’re still great.

One of the #teamfaulkner members asked what I thought about the whole process.  I asked for a little time to think about it, and this person said I should answer on my blog.  So I am. Here are a few things I’ve learned along the way:

  • I reached out to the right people: When I thought about putting this “board of directors” together, I wanted to pick people who knew me from a variety of viewpoints – people I’ve worked with, people who at one time worked for me, people I know primarily through the online community, consultants, practitioners, professors, all that stuff.  This variety of perspectives has been invaluable to me; almost like a short-hand for debating all sides of an argument.  Depending on the topic, they share a spectrum of opinions from conservative to “why the hell not?”
  • It’s okay to disagree with the #team: I wanted feedback, not an owner’s manual.  So when someone on #teamfaulkner suggests something I don’t really agree with, it’s awesome because even though I’m not going to take that particular piece of advice, I had to think about why and articulate that “why” to someone else, thereby thinking through the decision-making process much more thoroughly.
  • It’s better to be specific in my requests: I have found it most helpful when I ask specific questions or am more precise in describing what my issue is.  Shockingly, just saying, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!” doesn’t elicit the most useful feedback.  I am also planning to ask #teamfaulkner to challenge me a little more.  Part of it could have been the circumstances (no one wants to kick a person when they are down), and part of it could have been the way I framed the questions.
  • It’s not just about me: Ostensibly, #teamfaulkner is all about me (after all, it’s named after me).  But what various folks have shared is that the group was helpful for them as well – whether it was practice coaching, learning from the advice of others, or being exposed to a new way of thinking through things.
  • I was unprepared for how much people would be willing to reach out and help: I’m a pretty independently-minded human being, which means I typically figure things out on my own.  (Some people would say I’m ‘stubborn’…but I don’t talk to those people any more. Haha.  Sort of.)  When I reached out to a cross-section of friends from different walks of life, I figured I’d get a post now and then…maybe a “like” on my Facebook group.  What I got was an amazing amount of support – thoughtful comments, emails, phone calls, texts, all that cool stuff.  I am still in awe of, and incredibly touched by, the level of personal outreach I’ve received from #teamfaulkner. (This is for you.)

Now that I’ve started my next adventure, a couple of folks asked whether that was the end of #teamfaulkner.  The answer – HELL NO.  I will continue to rely on this group to guide me in my career and personal development.   I want to keep making them visit the Facebook group and read silly posts.  I want to keep learning from this amazing group of people.   I want the group to continue to learn from each other.  I want to tell them when I think they’re full of crap, and I want them to tell me when I’m full of crap (which they totally will).

In short, I want to keep in touch.

#teamfaulkner started as an experiment in leveraging my network, and it has grown into more.  And I will continue to reach out to my team for as long as they will have me.  It’s been an interesting process for me, and one I recommend for others who are looking to gain insight into their development.  Who knows?  There may be a book in it one day.  (If the team is okay with it.)

It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.
~Napoleon Hill

 

Admit I’m right!!! The value of debate in a polarized world

This past week, Bill Nye (self-proclaimed “science guy”) and Ken Ham (head of the Creation Museum) debated the merits of creationism vs. science/evolution.  (If you want to watch it, you can do so here.)  There was a lot of hubbub on both sides of the aisle on this one, with the prevailing opinion being why bother?  Scientists, in particular, were not terribly supportive of Nye’s decision to participate, a fact reflected in their feedback that it wasn’t “a total disaster.”

The crux of the mindset is that since the two sides are SO far apart in interpretation and beliefs, there is no point in having a conversation about it.

Well, I say hogwash.  Or at the very least, I call shenanigans.

Our society is increasingly polarized – we are bombarded by a black or white rhetoric that feels bound and determined to force us to choose a side and do it now.  The internet has a hand in this – those with fringe beliefs can find like-minded individuals more easily than ever before.  And even better, you can filter out all the stuff you don’t believe in, thereby validating only your opinion.

argument5
With apologies to Bill Watterson – I love Calvin & Hobbes.

The value of debate depends on what your goal for the conversation is. If you want to instantly change the mind of someone who lives by deeply held beliefs – no, there is no point.  However, if you want to start the dialogue that will allow each side to develop empathy and understanding about the others’ point of view, debate can be incredibly beneficial.

I don’t know what the motivation was for Bill Nye and Ken Ham.  I suspect both sides wanted to try and explain their point of view while winning some folks over to their way of thinking.  (Given that the debate was held at the Creation Museum, I suspect Nye had a harder time of it.)  But I applaud them both for at least starting the dialogue – if not for their own beliefs, then for those who listened.

The mere fact that we as a society are talking about the debate requires us to consider our own beliefs, as well as the beliefs of others.  We are forced to consider the why behind our arguments, and weigh the merits of our whys.  And while we may seldom change our minds, we will sometimes concede that while we don’t agree with the other side, we can at least understand why they think that way.

The debate avoidance phenomenon is alive and well in the business world, too.  Here are some reasons we shy away from the conversation and some things to keep in mind to overcome them:

  • We think we’re Nostradamus: Ever notice how many psychics you work with? –  “Why even ask?  They’ll just say no.” “I’ll just put Ken into that position, no one else would want to try for it anyway.” “Feedback is useless because they just ignore it.”  If you can predict the future, go by a Powerball ticket already.
  • Conflict is icky: The core of every debate is a difference of opinion, and people seem to think that conflict means no one will like them or that the team doesn’t get along.  Remember – conflict is inherent to progress.  You can’t move forward without recognizing that the status quo needs to change.
  • People can be jerks: Not everyone debates professionally.  While most people can have a discussion about a difference of opinions like an adult, there’s always that one person who yells, or cries on command, or is incredibly passive aggressive.  Get over it. Say your piece, remind them about the goal of the conversation, and control what you can control (meaning you).  And remember: most of the time, they resort to these tactics because they want you to drop it – don’t fall for it!
  • What if I’m wrong?: It’s true – you may end up changing your position after the debate.  Oh, the terror!  You mean you were able to consider all sides of an issue and make an unbiased decision?  Yeah, we wouldn’t want that. [sarcasm – sorry!]

There are some concepts that we all just hang on to, regardless of the evidence.  Some call it faith, some call it fallacy, some call it lies, some call it conspiracy.  Whatever you call it, why not talk about it?  The only way we grow is to be exposed to new things…so go find a new thing and talk about it.

The worst that can happen is that you’ve had a conversation and maybe learned something new.  Isn’t that worth it?

Have you had a debate that gave you a new perspective? Share in the comments!