Tag: self-awareness

McMurphy had it easy: When your boss is Nurse Ratched

If you read this post’s title and thought, “I totally get it”, then you have my heartfelt sympathy.  You are really dealing with something.

nurse_iconFor those of you wondering what the heck I’m talking about, a little background – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a terrific film (from the book which was made into a play) in which the protagonist McMurphy (a tour de force by Jack Nicholson) feigns insanity to avoid jail and comes face-to-face with Nurse Ratched (perfectly played by Louise Fletcher) – the no nonsense, no fun, rigidly exact head of the ward who relies on boredom and humiliation to rule with an iron fist.  She hides behind rules, reason, and a terrifying belief that she’s helping people even when she is doing the exact opposite.  McMurphy’s impassioned attempts to bring life into the ward lead to an escalating battle of wills…one that Nurse Ratched wins by (SPOILER ALERT) sending McMurphy “upstairs” for a lobotomy.

Now, hopefully you are NOT in a McMurphy vs Ratched battle of wills with your boss.  That would be bad (and you don’t want Chief to have to smother you before escaping…oh – SPOILER ALERT).  But there may be days when you feel like your boss is trying to drive you insane, or at the very least, like you’ve had a lobotomy.   Below are some tips on how to handle scenarios that make you feel like you’ve gone crazy:

The Situation: The Boss is a stickler for the rules.

No, Mr. McMurphy. When the meeting was adjourned, the vote was 9 to 9. 

In the movie, McMurphy tries to convince Nurse Ratched that they should get to watch the World Series on TV and they put it to a vote.  Long story short, the vote is 9 to 9 and McMurphy works desperately to get the Chief to vote.  Ratched adjourns the vote moments before the Chief raises his hand.  After all, rules are rules.  There are a lot of bosses out there who would applaud this stance, stubbornly seeing the world in black and white, refusing to admit there might be gray.

Why it sucks: Because it ignores the human element. Listen, I am a fan of having a process and some rules.  Consistency is an important part of scalability and, dare I say, fairness.  But you’ve got to be able to make a decision that makes SENSE.  It’s like zero tolerance policies – when you adopt an all or nothing approach, you end up suspending a 5 year old for making explosion sound effects because you’re afraid he might be a terrorist.

What do you do? The first thing you need to do is realize that your boss is motivate by rules and regulations.  Rah-rah moments like getting the previously-unresponsive Chief to raise his hand will not inspire your boss to change his/her ways.  Discuss the policy/rule with your boss, and understand why he/she is sticking to it.  Then find a way to base your argument for a decision that meets the parameters your boss outlines.

The Situation: The Boss doesn’t like to rock the boat.

The best thing we can do is go on with our daily routine.

Nurse Ratched approaches her job with the mantra that boredom = routine = sanity.  Steady as she goes.  Go about your business.  This too shall pass.  Any way you say it, you’re dealing with a Boss who wants to keep his head down and his people quiet.

Why this sucks: Because variety is the spice of life!  Innovation comes from friction – we don’t like something, so we change it.  Neuroscience tells us that a great way to keep the brain young is to keep learning new things.  And who doesn’t want a young brain? A boss who doesn’t encourage experimentation and dialogue will soon have a team of clock-watching zombies, shuffling about the office, waiting for their time to go home.  I’ve been in companies where people confuse stability with success. It keeps you from realizing your full potential as an employee, and that can make you bitter over time.

What do you do? If your boss is truly as risk- or change-averse as Nurse Ratched, you may be better off finding a champion outside of the team.  A mentor who can help you develop your ideas or point you towards some even better ones may help keep you challenged, even if your boss can’t.  Keep up on the latest and greatest ideas in your industry.  Read…a LOT.  Do anything you can to break your own routines.

The Situation: The Boss surrounds herself with group think, and is protected because of it.

Year by year she accumulates her ideal staff: doctors, all ages and types, come and rise up in front of her with ideas of their own about the way a ward should be run, some with backbone enough to stand behind their ideas, and she fixes these doctors with dry-ice eyes day in, day out, until they retreat with unnatural chills.

That pretty much sums it up.

Why this sucks: Because not only does the same bad thinking get perpetuated at the top, but anyone who tries to oppose this thinking gets shot down…to the point that people stop trying to change a terrible culture.  Apathy is one of the most depressing cultures, in my opinion.  Give me enthusiastic yes-men over people who don’t care (if I had to choose…but I wouldn’t want to choose).

What do you do? Keep trying.  McMurphy tried to rally his fellow ward-mates by playing poker, watching baseball – reminding them what it was like to be a human being.  Do the same with your coworkers.  Encourage their ideas, lift their spirits, remind everyone why they do what they do.  Not every boss lasts forever.  Your attempts to keep the dream alive will help your team, and it will give you something to fight for, too.

The Last Resort

No, I’m not talking about the scene where McMurphy attacks Nurse Ratched. Sheesh, people.  This is a leadership blog, for goodness’ sake!

The reality is that some bosses cannot be outlasted.  After all, Nurse Ratched, though bowed, was not broken.  At some point, despite all your efforts, you find that you can’t fight anymore – the rest of the team moves on, you lose your mentor, you notice you’re not the chipper person you used to be.  You may need to simply move on and live to fight another day.  And as long as you gave it your best, you can leave with your head held high.

‘But I tried though,’ he says. ‘Goddammit, I sure as hell did that much, now, didn’t I?’

Do you have a survival story?  I want to hear about it!  Leave a comment below!!!

“Tolerating” Failure

“Mistakes are the portal of discovery.” ~James Joyce

I was on the interwebs this weekend, trolling through different news sites, reading articles and the like, when I came upon this article.  It’s about a tattoo artist named Chris Baker who covers up gang and human-trafficking tattoos for free.  Chris, who is also a youth pastor, believes everyone deserves a second chance and that by offering a way to physically make a break from their past, these people can move on and correct the mistakes of their youth.

I share this because a) it’s an amazing cause* with the potential to change lives, and b) the story got me thinking about my own reactions to mistakes.  I’m talking specifically about my reaction to the mistakes made by others.  (To be clear – YES.   I MAKE MISTAKES.  I AM FULLY AWARE OF MY FAILINGS.  THANK YOU.  But we’re talking about my reaction, not my mistakes.  Besides, it’s my blog.  So there.)

oopsANYHOO, a little background….When I was in grad school, 3 semesters into an MBA that I absolutely hated, I went to the career center to talk to someone about what I wanted to be when I grew up.  If you’ve never been to a career counselor, you should know that while ultimately you may find it useful, the level of self-reflection, assessment, and analysis is fairly…what’s the word?…excruciating.   One of the exercises requires you to look back at every single job you’ve ever had and identify the reason why you left.  Granted, at that time there was a lot more movie theater retail/mom & pop businesses in there than there is now, but the process was very eye opening.  A big reason I moved on from jobs was because I couldn’t stand it when people did things in what I perceived to be the “wrong” way.  And that career counselor called me on it (dammit).  She said that unless I figured out how to view the perceived failures of others in a different way, I would never be able to stay at a job for longer than 1 year.

This was a pretty big deal.  After all, I wasn’t the one making mistakes – why should I change?  [Office Space moment: “Why should I change?  He’s the one that sucks.”] This kind person who probably had to deal with neurotic grad students all day pointed out the obvious fact I can only control my actions, not the actions of others (again…dammit).  And that really got me thinking – why am I so unwilling to accept the mistakes of others?

Well, long story short (too late), it turns out that I have a tendency to view forgiveness and moving on as “tolerating” failure.  I think that it somehow reflects poorly on me that someone made a mistake and I didn’t make a big deal about it. I expect people to not make mistakes that seem so easily avoidable (in hindsight) and somehow I’m disappointed when they do.  It’s even more pronounced when the mistake is made by a leader or a respected peer.  “Gee,” I think. “ Shouldn’t you have known better?”

The clever ones among you probably noticed the switch to present tense there – yes, I still struggle with making sure I view mistakes as opportunities to learn.  Every day, I purposefully think about the way I react, learning from my past mistakes and ensuring that I give people the freedom to do the same.  For those of you who struggle with the same challenge, I have a few tips:

  • Reframe, rephrase, reflect: Rather than thinking of someone’s mistake as a failure, I find it helpful to think of it as an opportunity to learn.  The learning opportunity isn’t just for the person who made the mistake; the whole team should take a moment to reflect on what role they played (if any) and how we can all learn from the process moving forward.
  • Don’t judge – even jokingly: Okay, I suck at this one.  I speak fluent sarcasm and it’s really hard for me to pass up a good joke.  I am also aware that it sends the wrong message.  Doesn’t mean I’m able to stop myself all the time, but I know I do it. And knowing is half the battle. (Go, Joe!)  Set the example with the team and assume positive intent – most people don’t make mistakes on purpose.  Besides, it takes a lot of guts to own up to a mistake, just as it’s embarrassing to be caught in a mistake.  Let the mistake-maker keep his/her dignity and address the issue.
  • Transparency is your friend: I try to be very open when I make a mistake – call it out, own it, and explain what I’m going to do to fix it.  In my mind, if we can remove the stigma of admitting to mistakes, we will gain more insight into what’s really going on in our business.  Does this mean immunity?  No.  Not all mistakes can be overlooked, and we still need to hold people accountable; however, encouraging transparency by practicing it can still help bring issues to light and move the business forward.

I suspect many of you may recognize yourself in what I’ve written here.  I share this with you because I think it’s important to build a culture where mistakes are embraced as opportunity, and where people can openly talk about what they need to do to be better without worrying that it somehow brands them for life.

*Note: If you’re interested in learning more about Chris Baker’s efforts with INK 180, you can read more about it here.

This isn’t Road House (when leaders can’t see past “my way”)

The title of this post references, of course, that iconic moment in Road House when Dalton (played the late, great Patrick Swayze) tells an unruly sort, “It’s my way….(dramatic pause)….or the highway.”  It’s meant to be a macho moment and is absolutely appropriate coming from a bouncer at a seedy bar.   When spoken by a leader?  Not so great.

[Random aside: When verifying the name of Swayze’s character, I learned that the tagline for ‘Road House’ was “The dancing’s over.  Now it gets dirty.” Isn’t that awesome?]

signpostWhere was I?  Oh yes…most of us at one time or another has struggled with someone in authority telling us there is only ONE way to reach a desired outcome.  And we all probably had the same thought – that’s dumb.  Except in certain circumstances (SEC filing requirements come to mind), there are MULTIPLE ways to do something (think about tying your shoes – you can do the single loop, wrap around method; or opt for the double-loop and knot method; or even the  old school Topsiders nubby-ended lace option).  True, there might be a “best” way to do something, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try another way.   And people HATE it when they’re told they can’t be creative or put their personal spin on something.  It can severely affect engagement in the workplace, leading to lost productivity or even higher turnover (particularly among top talent).

So why do leaders get stuck in “My Way or the Highway” mode?  And what do you do about it? So glad you asked!

  • Can’t let it go: You know the type.  They say things like, “Well, when I did your job, I did it this way and it worked fine.” Leaders who do this don’t seem to realize that a) they aren’t doing your job anymore, and b) things change – technology, preferences, best practices – and it may be time to move one.
    How to handle it: Thank them for sharing their experiences with you and tell them that you will really appreciate their input throughout the process.  And then share the data/study/proof of concept that shows that another approach might be better. 
  • Threatened: Sometimes leaders feel threatened by a good employee and will consciously or subconsciously work to sabotage an employee’s success.  Yes.  That is a sad, petty and fairly silly way to operate, but some leaders fall into the trap.
    How to handle it: Recognize why your leader is doing this.  It’s from a place of fear, not malice.  And how do you combat fear?  With information.  Keep your leader in the loop at all times and do a lot of alignment checks.  Help them feel like they are an important part of the process, and give them an opportunity to realize that your success is their success.  And if your leader persists, document your conversations and work and ensure people know what you’ve been doing to keep the project moving forward.
  • Clueless: This is the leader who honestly has NO idea what it is you do.  (Think “Pointy-haired Boss” from Dilbert.)  While typically a benign figure, the clueless manager will insist on his/her approach because he/she saw it in a magazine while waiting in the doctor’s office.  Honestly, this leader just gets in the way of progress, but beware of ignoring this leader – they control your budget!
    How to handle it:  Ask them why they think it’s a good idea.  Then, steer the conversation in a way that will make this leader think YOUR idea is THEIR idea.  Now you ARE doing it their way!  It’s called a win-win.

Yes, some of this is a little tongue-in-cheek – because honestly, from the employee’s point of view, a leader who insists on only ONE way to do something is pretty ridiculous and thus reduces the leader to a caricature to be ignored and avoided.

It’s much more serious when YOU are the leader who insists there is only one way to do something.  Don’t be that leader – examine your motivations, admit that you do it (and we’ve all done it), and work hard to be open minded.  You’ll be rewarded with happier employees, better results, and a realization that there IS more than one path to a successful outcome.   So don’t be Dalton – be a leader who can embrace the infinite possibilities of the imagination, let go of your ego, and embrace the team’s success.