Tell me what you want (what you really, really want)

When you were a kid, did you know what you wanted to be when you grew up?

I did. I wanted to be a stunt car driver. Given the way I like to drive, there are some who would argue I haven’t let go of that dream just yet.

Considering that I don’t have “stunt car driver” on my LinkedIn profile, you can assume I embarked on a different career path.

But was it a conscious choice? Did I mean to end up where I did? Do any of us?

Ambivalence

I just finished reading Brigid Schulte’s book Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has The TimeIt has some excellent data to support the notion that American’s are too busy, but that it’s a combination of personal choice, cultural pressure, and business practice that continues to promote our need to one-up each other with our insane schedules.

Wannabe Pic 1 285 x 228In the book Schulte examines the idea of ambivalence – being of two minds. She posits that ambivalence is often at the heart of our feelings of being overwhelmed, that we are really of two minds of what we want that we can’t fully commit to either. Like the time we think it would be really cool to be an SVP of marketing, but then we realize how much travel it would take to get there, and while we really like travel, we’re worried about what our friends might think, and what if we have a significant other who’s not okay with that, and really, isn’t just easier to take the other job and get the paycheck?

Sound a little too familiar?

Choices

Think about your own career. Think about the path you took to get where you are right now. Was it deliberate? Was it all “Forrest Gump-y”? Was it a little of both?

The folks who are happiest in their careers tend to be because they CHOSE to be where they are today. They have defined their own idea of success and have gone after it. And no, it might not be the dream they had when they were a little kid, or even the career they thought they wanted in college. Maybe they had a few jobs along the way that they sort of liked, as well as a few they couldn’t stand.

At some point, though, they came to a crossroads. They could continue down the path they once envisioned but no longer loved, or they could take matters into their own hands and define their own success, and go for it. As a result, they are in the right place at exactly the right time.

And while they might be very busy, they are seldom overwhelmed.

So what?

As both leaders and those being led, it’s important to recognize a crossroad.

As a leader, we can help our employees articulate what success means to them and then help identify whether their current state is equal to that success. If not, we can help them find the right path. Remember, our job as leaders is to help our employees reach their true potential – and sometimes that means moving on.

As an employee, we can help our leaders understand what it is we are trying to accomplish. We can accept the responsibility for our careers and recognize that life isn’t something that happens too us – it’s something in which we are an active participant. If there is friction between how we define success and how our leader defines success, it’s vital that we speak up. Our leaders can’t help us if we don’t admit we need that help.

Define your success

No, I didn’t end up being a stunt driver. Or an astronaut.Or a social studies teacher. Or a mad scientist….yet.

And that’s cool. I’m still figuring it out – like a lot of people. Like you, maybe.

No matter where you stand on the overwhelmed/ambivalent spectrum today, don’t panic.

There’s still time for you to define your success.  There is still time to be an active participant in life.

There is still time to choose.

And if you aren’t sure what you want – what you really, really want – it’s okay.

You’ll figure it out.


Sometimes the wrong choices bring us to the right places.
-Unknown

Self-fulfilling prophecies and the danger of labels

Read through the following scenario and pay attention to how you interpret it:

An employee, Shaun, shows up very late on a Friday morning. Shaun typically isn’t a morning person and has been a couple of minutes late once or twice in the past – but never like this. He is bleary-eyed, disheveled, and appears to be having trouble concentrating. He is in his early 20s, the same as a group in the office that likes to go out and party on Thursday nights. When you ask Shaun what’s going on, he is evasive, fumbling for answers that would make you happy. 

A week ago, you had a similar incident occur in which the employee actually had a hangover and had accidentally deleted an important spreadsheet and was trying to cover it up. And there have been a lot of system issues lately that you believe are caused by your employees not knowing what they’re doing and creating extra records that don’t need to be there.

Know how you’d react? It wouldn’t be surprising if you assumed Shaun is just like the other employees of his generation. After all, you’ve read all about their work-life balance YOLO lifestyle. You’re in the know. Time to act – right?

But there’s more to the story:

When pressed, Shaun tells you that he knew that the system slowdown was affecting everyone’s productivity, and he decided to stay late on Thursday to remove the extraneous records that were slowing down the system. It took longer than he thought it would, and he didn’t want to get in trouble for not telling you.

Dang it – your label failed you.

The Power of Labels

In 1968, third grade Iowa schoolteacher Jane Elliott wanted to teach her students about the work of Dr. Martin Luther King and the dangers of racism – the worst kind of labeling. How do you get children to understand such a high level concept? By letting them experience LABELS. She started the day by explaining that blue-eyed children are smarter, prettier, and all around better than brown eyed children. After lunch, she changed it and and explained it turns out that brown-eyed children are smarter and better.

The speed with which these children accepted the roles into which they were assigned – aggressor and victim – is terrifying. It is even more terrifying when you consider that Jane Elliott was completely transparent about what she was doing with the children. She explained it’s an exercise. She explains what she wanted them to learn. And yet, the labels were SO strong, the children’s performance in learning exercises went DOWN when they were the “dumb” group. [Watch A Class Divided for the entire documentary. It’s amazing and well worth your time.]

label-maker1

So why do I bring this up?

Because labels are powerful – and we use them ALL THE TIME.

We talk about generations (Do you know how to recruit Millennials? Are you ready for the ennui of Gen X? Do you care what Generation Z will do???). We talk about high potentials. We talk about “difficult people.” We talk about A Players, B Players, engineers, IT, HR, “leaders”, “followers” – all of them labels. And each of these labels comes with preconceived notions about the person who has that label can and cannot do.

Listen, I get that labels can help. We have to categorize things in order to process the amount of information we encounter every day. But we also have to be aware of the impact our labels have.

Words Matter

As a leader, the labels you place on your employees are especially powerful, and are most often given within the first day of meeting a person. A “promising employee” or “hard worker” tends to get more benefit of the doubt than a “slow worker” or “troublemaker.” It’s even worse when an executive labels an employee they’ve met once. I’ve known an employee who carried the label of not being terribly smart because on her very first day, an executive asked her a question about a process she didn’t know the answer to. ON HER FIRST DAY. This employee was very smart, and very capable – and every talent discussion we had to combat the baggage of a label given after a 5 minute interaction.

Sadly, the leader’s reaction to an employee based on a label is nowhere near as dangerous as the employee’s reaction to the label the leader applied. Just like the children in A Class Divided, employees who have been labeled high potential often perform better (or fade under the pressure of expectation), while “difficult” employees make more errors, because others interpret their actions differently – or because the employees themselves believe they are the label you’ve given them*.

The same goes for employees labeling leaders. “She’s mean” or “He’s a pushover” colors the behavior of leaders because it shades the way others perceive the leader. With the prevalence of 360s in today’s business world, these labels gain more and more power, impacting the leader’s self-confidence – or potentially reinforcing BAD behavior – as each cycle of feedback simply reinforces the self-fulfilling prophecy.

Think

Labels are going to be with us for a long time. They helped us survive as we evolved (this berry = good, sharp pointy teeth = bad). They allow us to thin-slice data. Unfortunately, they also allow employees and leaders alike to be lazy – to apply labels rather than get to know the people they interact with.

Leaders, when you go back to your teams take an honest look the expectations that you hold for each of your employees. Employees, take a hard look at the way you talk about your leader.  And ask yourself, am I responding to a person?

Or to a label?

[*For more on the power of suggestion and stereotypes, read Dan Ariely’s work.]

Savvy, not sell-out (navigating office politics)

genuine-stampThroughout my career – in HR and otherwise – I have encountered numerous people who insisted that they don’t believe in office politics.

Well, to paraphrase Neil deGrasse Tyson, it doesn’t matter whether or not you believe in office politics. They still exist. And if you want to be successful in your job, regardless of level, you are going to have to figure out how to deal with them.

The number one thing people need to remember when dealing with office politics is that you CAN still be “you” while adjusting your style to fit the situation. I’ve talked to employees and leaders alike who claim they would be a fake if they were anything else but fully authentic.  Here’s the thing – there’s “authentic” and AUTHENTIC. The first kind involves flexibility with staying aligned with your values, and successful professionals typically practice that.  The second kind involves a loud, in-your-face, I-gotta-be-me approach that people who use psych profiles (think DiSC) to justify being pushy. (“I’m a D, dammit!! I’m supposed to be that way!”)

In order to be successful in business, you are going to have to figure out how to navigate the politics of any organization’s culture. I use the word “politics” deliberately, as the players each have an agenda they are trying to advance. Some of these agendas are altruistic, some completely selfish – but they all compete even if they ostensibly strive to meet the same goals.  That’s why you are going to have to learn to play this game.

So how do you play without losing yourself in the fray? By knowing how to be savvy without being a sellout, and without being your overly AUTHENTIC self. Check out these scenarios:

  • Boss suggests a course of action that you don’t think is going to work:
    • Overly AUTHENTIC response: That’s a terrible idea that won’t work.  Let me tell you why.
    • Sell-out response: You’re the boss.  We’ll make that happen.
    • Savvy response: That’s definitely an option. Have we thought about X, Y, Z?
  • Executives begin arguing with each other about small details in your business proposal:
    • Overly AUTHENTIC response: Are we really going to spend time talking about this now?
    • Sell-out response: Sure, we can do that. You guys just tell us what you want and we’ll do it.
    • Savvy response: It sounds like we have some details to work out. Do we have an agreement in the general direction and we can talk about the small details off-line? Or maybe, Would it be helpful to see the full proposal before delving into the details? Maybe your questions will be answered.
  • Coworker becomes overly aggressive/belligerent in a meeting:
    • Overly AUTHENTIC response: Oh, you did NOT just say that to me!!! (typically accompanied by a waving finger)
    • Sell-out response: Hey, hey…we can do whatever you want to do. Let’s just all try to get along
    • Savvy response: I can see that you’re upset, and that’s not my intention. What are your concerns?

Notice a trend in these responses? The savvy response is all about finding a solution without losing ground. It’s about focusing on the issue and not on the person (either you OR the other party). You can adjust the Savvy Response to be in your voice, and in fact, you should.  The more it sounds like you, the more likely the others in the room will listen and less you’ll feel like you’re selling out to the pressures in the situation.

So the next time you’re in a politically-charged situation, be prepared to translate your overly AUTHENTIC response into one that will ensure you’re heard and one that moves towards a solution.  And you don’t even have to sell your soul to do it.

 Authenticity requires a certain measure of vulnerability, transparency, and integrity.
~ Janet Louise Stephenson

The truth will set you free…but first it will piss you off.
~ Unknown