Category: Executive Presence

Apparently your cat hates you…and your employees might, too

You may have seen it online or in the news lately – there’s a study that claims your cat hates you, or at the very least, doesn’t really care if you’re there or not.

My first thought upon reading the article…you needed a study to learn this?  Seriously, just own a cat.  [Full disclosure: I’m a dog person.  But cats have been in my life from time to time.  Hence the dog. :)] The level of disdain even the most “loving” cats have for their owners is remarkable.  Awe-inspiring, even.

Shortly after that, I thought how similar this behavior can be to employees.  I’m inclined to believe that employees also have an “anxious avoidant” attachment style – they really don’t care if their leader is present or not present.  Not in a positive way, anyway.  Sure, employees may care to avoid an abusive or incompetent leader.  But just like a cat who snubs the owner who feeds them and gives them a loving home, employees may turn their nose up at a leader who cares about his/her employees.

grumpy_cat
If you don’t know Grumpy Cat, you are missing out!!

Leaders, try not to take it personally.  There are a number of factors that play into this dynamic:

  • Employees are hard-wired to hate “The Man”: Well, maybe not hate.  Perhaps “intense distrust” is a better term.  By and large, authority figures have it rough in the workplace.  Ask any popular employee who was promoted and then spurned as a pariah – it can be tough to be the king.
  • Leaders kinda feel the same way about their employees: Just like employees are hard-wired to hate “The Man”, there are a number of leaders who look at the privilege of leading with a sort of resignation.  They know it’s important, it’s just….tiring sometimes.
  • Leaders struggle with boundaries: There are many leaders out there who just don’t get the balance between BFF and hard ass.  This can lead to credibility issues with the team that cause employees to wish “the man” wasn’t around.
  • Most employees don’t really need a manager: Of course, teams need a manager.  They need someone to help run interference, be their champion, set the vision, etc.  But on a day-to-day basis, not so much.  Think I’m wrong?  Next time your manager is out of the office, take note of how much work you get done.

 

So what do you do to combat this indifference?  We might be able to learn a lot from cat owners:

  • Don’t try too hard: Most cat owners know that when the cat wants to interact with you, he/she will do so.  Create an environment that is conducive to interaction, exercise some patience, and see what happens.
  • Catnip works: In this case, catnip can be rewards and recognition.  Make your employees’ interactions with you positive and you may see them more often.  Figure out what motivates your employees, help them achieve that, and you should see an improvement in your relationships.
  • Know what baggage they bring to the table: As anyone who has ever adopted a shelter cat knows, some of these guys come with serious issues.  Sometimes employees do, too.  Maybe they had a crappy manager 3 jobs ago and you’re paying the price.  Patience, positive reinforcement, and a good dialogue can help overcome that.
  • Some people just aren’t cat people: If it really bothers you that your employees don’t like you, or don’t think you’re cool, or don’t want to hang out with you…maybe you aren’t the leading kind.  Re-examine your motives for getting into a leadership position in the first place – if they are still pure and you just need an attitude adjustment, do it!  If not, that’s okay, too.  Just don’t subject your employees to a non-leadership ready leader.

Do you have any advice for the leader whose employees are a little too cat-like in their attachment?  Share in the comments below!

I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time.
– Neil Gaiman

Who engages the engagers?

In an earlier post,  I wrote about the importance of your employees caring about what they do – not just for discretionary effort, but some effort of ANY kind.  What I didn’t really talk about was whether or not YOU as a leader care,  and whether or not someone cares if you care.

It’s tough to be a leader/manager/boss.  The Man isn’t supposed to get tired or frustrated, and isn’t supposed to want to throw his hands in the air and say, “To hell with this.  Screw you guys…I’m going home.”  No, when you’re the Head Honcho, you are expected to maintain a level of polished professionalism and be a pillar of inspiration for your people in times of stress and woe.  After all, your ability to stay focused and on message in the good times and the bad is why you get paid the big bucks and why you have a “World’s Greatest Boss” mug on your desk.  As the boss, you are gifted with the remarkable talent of letting stress and disillusionment pass over you without any of it sticking on your Teflon-coated psyche.

Well, that’s a bunch of crap.  You and I both know that leaders can often hit burnout long before their employees do.  This is due to a number of factors:

  • The leaders know more about what’s going on than the average employee (and sometimes the news isn’t good)
  • The leaders are keeping the crazies at bay so the team can get some actual work done
  • The leaders ARE working hard to keep the team motivated and inspired during down times (and it’s really exhausting)

In some ways, it’s like being a secret agent (stick with me here).  Like a spy, leaders must compartmentalize their professional existence – there’s one persona for peers, there’s another for dealing with the boss, there’s another for handling stakeholders, and still another for interacting with employees.  Leaders must filter their communication for each audience, ensuring they are creating the right context and providing the appropriate information at the right time.  It’s no wonder that some leaders start to feel detached.

picard_engage
Yup. Cheesy Star Trek reference – “Engage.” What did you expect? Oh, and the title of this post is based on a ST:TNG episode. So there.

Engagement studies continue to support that the longer an employee/leader is with the company, the higher the engagement level.  They also suggest that those in leadership positions tend to be more engaged than those in lower levels (presumably because they have more visibility and autonomy).  However, when you look at the data, you also see that while engagement goes up, the number of people who are classified as “crash and burn” stays pretty constant.  This is worrisome, since we DO look to our leaders as voices of reason, sanity and stability when things go south.

I’ve talked before in passing about the fact that as you ascend in an organization, you tend to get less feedback and support.  This is particularly true when it comes to keeping you, the leader, engaged.  There seems to be this unspoken rule that once you’ve joined the management ranks, you no longer need someone else to help recharge your batteries – we gave you a promotion…it’s YOUR job to stay committed.

So what’s a disillusioned, disengaged leader to do?  A few suggestions:

  • Don’t let work be your only identity: Some leaders burn out because they make The Job their everything.  It’s not.  Find a hobby that lets you burn off some steam.  Exercise.  Take up knitting.  Be a LARP-er.  Whatever floats your boat.
  • Find an “engagement buddy”: There’s a good chance other leaders are feeling the same way you are and just need someone to talk to about it.  Find a trusted peer who knows you well enough to call you on your bullshit when you get whiny, and who you feel comfortable calling out when THEY get whiny.  I know from personal experience that this support system can get you through some really awful situations.
  • Regularly assess your engagement levels: Engagement isn’t an on/off switch.  it’s a continuum that changes often…sometimes minute to minute.  There are a lot of scales you can use to help assess where you are on that engagement continuum (seriously – Google it).  Pick one that works for you and self-monitor.  Neuroscience tells us that labeling a feeling or emotion helps us handle it better.  Label your engagement level so you can deal with it.
  • Talk to your boss: This suggestion isn’t for everyone, but hopefully you have the benefit of a leader who will listen to you when you have an issue like this.  Now, this isn’t a conversation that starts with you plopping your butt down in the chair and saying, “I HATE MY JOB.”  That probably won’t go well.  Start the conversation by stating that your goal is to continue to add value to the organization and that you’re concerned that you may be losing a little bit of that drive and need some feedback on how things are going.  Depending on your relationship, you might even share your engagement continuum scale, share where you see yourself more often than not, and then BE SOLUTION FOCUSED.  Come with some ideas on how you might re-engage, and share what you need from your leader.
  • Decide if it’s worth it: If your engagement levels are constantly in the “about to go postal” range, AND you aren’t getting the support you need, AND you see no end in sight…it may be time for you to decide whether or not you’re in the right role and/or right company.

No one said being a leader was going to be easy (hence the name of this blog).  So much of what leaders do must be intrinsically motivated, and it’s easy to forget to self-monitor your own state of engagement.  Take some time to keep the batteries charged – because if YOU’RE not engaged, your team will definitely see it.

What suggestions do you have for keeping yourself engaged?  Share in the comments below!

10 (really!) things leaders do that make me happy…or at least not cry

In my last post(s), I shared a number of things that leaders do that make me cry.  I figured it would only be fair for me to spread a little love into the universe and share some of the good things that leaders do (believe it or not, good things DO happen in the workplace).

I’ll admit…it was tough to not just write the opposite of the last list.  So I tried to think of some unique behaviors that positively impact the business and its people.  Don’t agree with them?  Think I’m missing a few?  Let me know in the comments!!

  • Has the team’s back: A lot of times, all an employee wants to know is that their manager went to bat for them.  When a leader fights for their team (whether it’s to stand up for an idea, speak up against a questionable policy, or push back when someone else tries to throw an employee under the bus), the team notices.  It makes a difference…and it shows that a leader understands the impact he/she can have on the team.
  • Collaborates across departments: So much of climbing the corporate ladder seems to stem from building an empire and then protecting your little fiefdom.  That’s why it’s so refreshing to see leaders who throw all that aside and work for the betterment of the entire company by reaching out across functional lines and work together towards a common goal.  (*sniff* I promised myself I wouldn’t cry!)
  • Challenges their people…the right way: Since a big part of what I do focuses on people development, I am always so happy when I see a leader willing to take a chance and give an employee a stretch assignment with the right amount of support.  It shows the leader believes in the employee, and it also shows that the leader isn’t willing to let an employee settle for “okay”.  Yay, leader!
  • Listens more than they talk: This is so hard for most people.  We like to talk about ourselves and listen to how darn smart we are.  So a leader who has learned how to wait and truly listen is one worth knowing.  When you listen as a leader, you encourage creativity, build morale, and make yourself smarter becausehappy_kitty you’re allowing your brain some time to process the input it’s receiving.  It’s AMAZING how different a team meeting is when the leader shuts up.
  • Hires people smarter than they are: It’s often said that Bill Gates wasn’t the smartest guy in the room…but he was pretty darn smart at surrounding himself with people who were better than he was at certain things.  (Ballmer it NOT this.  Just so we’re clear.)  A leader who hires smart people shows he/she is knowledgable about his/her limitations and is comfortable with them.  It’s about success…not ego.
  • Has a personality: Sometimes it feels like somewhere along the way it was decided that “executive presence” means being boring.  How wonderfully inspiring – you’re going to bore your people to death, but gosh darn it, didn’t you do it professionally?  I like a leader who isn’t afraid to show you who they are.  It gives others the permission to do the same, and helps build an important rapport and trust that will get a team through the tough times.  So fly a little freak flag now and then!
  • Sets boundaries: Showing personality doesn’t mean hitting every happy hour with the crew and posting buddy pics on Instagram.  I have worked with a number of managers who I call my friend…but while we worked together, there were definite boundaries around what was on or off limits in discussions about work and/or liberties taken.  I respected the heck out of these people while I worked for them (and still do) because their ability to set boundaries protected both them AND me – I knew they wouldn’t try to exploit our friendliness for their gain, just as they knew that I would understand why they couldn’t share everything.
  • Knows the difference between ‘fair’ and ‘the same’: Some of the most effective leaders I’ve seen understand this.  ‘Fair’ means considering each situation on its own merits, and acting accordingly.  ‘The Same’ means managing to the lowest common denominator.  Yes – consistency is important (I think about 1000 HR ladies just fainted, so I need to be clear about this).  But is it fair to make some exceptions now and then for an outstanding employee who has always gone above and beyond and works 55 hours a week without complaint?  I think so.  And here’s a hint: smart leaders seem to instinctively know how to set expectations and hold people to them BEFORE making exceptions.  Interesting, don’t you think?
  • Shows humility: Remember when Barry Sanders (RB for Detroit, for those of you who actively avoid sports) would score a touchdown?  He handed the ball to the official and then walked to the sidelines.  He acted like he’d been there before, would probably be there again…and understood that getting a touchdown meant he was doing his job – no more, no less.  (For more on Barry’s approach, here’s a great article from ESPN.)  Leaders can learn a lot from a guy like Barry Sanders.  Yes, celebrate your wins!  You and your team both deserve a moment of rest and reflection.  But the best leaders are ones who thank those who did the leg work, appreciate those who lent support, and acknowledge that sometimes it’s about being in the right place at the right time.  Just be authentic when you do it, okay?  False humility can do more damage than outright boasting.
  • Brings cupcakes and/or other assorted snacks: People like food.  ‘Nuff said.

So there you have it.  An ACTUAL list of 10 things that leaders do that make me happy.  Agree?  Disagree?  Got something to say?  Share it in the comments!

The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.
~Theodore Roosevelt