Tag: emotional intelligence

Snark is the New Cool…and that may not be cool

One of the things you may not know about me is that I’m a bit of a musical theater nerd.  What this really means is I tend to be a singing snob.  Yeah…I’m one of those people.  It doesn’t mean I think I can do it better than other singers, I just get annoyed when singing isn’t done correctly. (Note to teachers of young singers – STOP MAKING THEM SING OUT OF THEIR NOSES!!!!!  Thank you.)

So when a live broadcast of The Sound of Music was announced with Carrie Underwood, I wasn’t terribly excited.  Nothing against her voice – I’m just not a country fan and I think sometimes she can be a little wooden in her performance.  And I love Julie Andrews.  Therefore, I chose not to watch.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t read a bunch of the comments made on social media on the interwebs.  Seriously, y’all got creative.  And some of you were funny.  And a little mean.

snark1

I was listening to Seth Speaks on my satellite radio (On Broadway channel – enjoy!) and Laura Benanti was a guest (she played the Baroness on the NBC broadcast, and starred as Maria in the Broadway revival…and she is amazing).  She was sharing some backstage stories and such, and Seth asked her what she thought about the comments made against Carrie.  And Laura threw down on the haters.

“Snark,” Laura says, “is the new cool.”   She pointed out that here was a person with the courage to try something she’d never done before…live…in front of 18 million people.  Instead of applauding her for it, and celebrating the fact that a major network took a chance to bring a new, younger audience to Broadway and music, the Twitter-verse used it as a chance to show off how clever it is.

No snark?
This stuck with me.  I love snark.  I enjoy the heck out of reading it, and I tend to engage heavily in the dishing out of said snark, too.  But Laura has a point – snark can get in the way of what you’re really trying to accomplish.  It can shut down people’s willingness to take a chance.  It can break down the feeling of “team”.  A lot of people who give snark can’t take it, so then you get a whiny snarker.  And while snark might be funny or make you look clever, is it adding anything of value to fix the perceived issue?  In short, snark can be extremely damaging.

What to do?
I’m not going to advocate going snark-free.  A little snark is like good satire – it points out that the emperor has no clothes and uses humor and shock to heighten awareness about a situation.  Matt Charney’s Snark Attack blog  is great!  So is Television Without Pity (spare the snark, spoil the network).  That snark IS cool.  And funny.  And thought-provoking. And change driving.

So if you consider yourself a snark aficionado (and who doesn’t, amiright?), use the next 30 days to pay attention to how and when you use it.  If your intent is pure and you’re working towards a greater good, snark away.  And a little snarkiness amongst friends can be fun!  But if you’re employing snark to put someone else down because it makes you feel better about yourself and you think it makes you look clever, stop it. You’re just being an asshole.

Everything rustles… (how fear drives your people)

The impact of fear on the workplace typically comes from allegations of a hostile work environment, inappropriate manager behavior, too much stick and not enough carrot, etc. And yes, fear DOES impact the workplace in all those ways. What I want to talk about is the everyday impact fear has on the actions and decisions of managers and employees alike. It’s like death by a thousand cuts – one doesn’t take you down, but a whole lot of them over time is bound to beat you.

The title of this post comes from a quote from Sophocles (seems like a smart guy, so I am okay quoting him):

To him who is in fear everything rustles.

Think about all the rustling going on in your company. There’s a closed door meeting (rustle). The boss isn’t returning my calls (rustle). That person is getting more attention in the staff meeting (rustle). All of this fear is destroying your culture and creating behaviors driven by the wrong thing.  I’ve worked in environments where fear was a seen as a  “motivator” that should be used, and I’ve seen the impact it has on the company – from turnover, to recruiting, to business results, to culture.  It ain’t pretty.

afraidWhen actions are driven by fear rather than thought, you end up with dysfunction.  It’s easier to question motives and suspect a hidden agenda.  A leader’s primary purpose (to make the company successful) is discarded, replaced by a “cover my ass” mentality.  We’ve all seen it – hell, we’ve all probably fallen prey to it at one time or another.  Recognizing fear can be easy – overcoming it is the tricky part.

In his excellent book Your Brain At Work, David Rock uses the SCARF model to help illustrate what drives people either toward or away from a situation, and I like to use it to show how fear becomes the driver in all 5 areas:

  • S stands for status, your relative importance to others.  
    Fear of losing status can cause incredibly awful decision-making, like covering up mistakes, failing to develop their people (they might be better than I am!), forming inappropriate “alliances” amongst their peers, or worse – burying corporate malfeasance.
  • C  stands for certainty, the ability to predict the future.
    This is the reason people tend to run away from change – the fear of the unknown.  Fear driven by a need for certainty is what drives a lot of the gossip and “story-telling” seen in organizations, because people combat lack of certainty by creating a reality that they think they know.  Worse still is when decisions are based on the new reality (and you know it happens every day).
  • A stands for autonomy, which provides a sense of control over events.
    Fear in this area manifests in passive-aggressive behavior – people are afraid they don’t have control so they find a way to get it back, typically by NOT doing something you’ve asked them to do.  Occasionally fear causes people to act first, collaborate second because they fear that their choice in the matter will be taken away from them.
  • R stands for relatedness, or a sense of safety with others (think friend or foe).  
    Trust (or lack thereof) is a major cause of fearful behavior in business – I’m afraid I can’t trust you, so I don’t dare speak up/collaborate/engage in healthy debate/be authentic/you name it.  People are also afraid that they won’t be part of the “in crowd”, that they’ll be on the outside looking in.  This can drive inauthentic relationships, and cause people to act “fake” for the sake of fitting in.
  • F stands for fairness, which (no surprise) relates to the perception of fair exchanges between people.
    Leaders loooooove it when people talk about fairness (darn it, where’s that sarcasm font???).  As it relates to fear, though – a perceived lack of fairness in a situation causes people to fear that they’re in trouble, or they aren’t valued.  This can lead to active disengagement, undermining the success of others, or justifying lying/stealing because “the company owes me”.  They are afraid they aren’t getting “what’s fair.”

So start paying attention to what you’re seeing in your organization and see if fear is driving behaviors you don’t like.  And if fear is the “preferred” method of leadership, use SCARF to help address the issues.  Quiet the rustling in your world.

One last geek quote (but it’s a good one from Dune):

 Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

What examples of fear have you seen in your organization?  Share below!

McMurphy had it easy: When your boss is Nurse Ratched

If you read this post’s title and thought, “I totally get it”, then you have my heartfelt sympathy.  You are really dealing with something.

nurse_iconFor those of you wondering what the heck I’m talking about, a little background – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest is a terrific film (from the book which was made into a play) in which the protagonist McMurphy (a tour de force by Jack Nicholson) feigns insanity to avoid jail and comes face-to-face with Nurse Ratched (perfectly played by Louise Fletcher) – the no nonsense, no fun, rigidly exact head of the ward who relies on boredom and humiliation to rule with an iron fist.  She hides behind rules, reason, and a terrifying belief that she’s helping people even when she is doing the exact opposite.  McMurphy’s impassioned attempts to bring life into the ward lead to an escalating battle of wills…one that Nurse Ratched wins by (SPOILER ALERT) sending McMurphy “upstairs” for a lobotomy.

Now, hopefully you are NOT in a McMurphy vs Ratched battle of wills with your boss.  That would be bad (and you don’t want Chief to have to smother you before escaping…oh – SPOILER ALERT).  But there may be days when you feel like your boss is trying to drive you insane, or at the very least, like you’ve had a lobotomy.   Below are some tips on how to handle scenarios that make you feel like you’ve gone crazy:

The Situation: The Boss is a stickler for the rules.

No, Mr. McMurphy. When the meeting was adjourned, the vote was 9 to 9. 

In the movie, McMurphy tries to convince Nurse Ratched that they should get to watch the World Series on TV and they put it to a vote.  Long story short, the vote is 9 to 9 and McMurphy works desperately to get the Chief to vote.  Ratched adjourns the vote moments before the Chief raises his hand.  After all, rules are rules.  There are a lot of bosses out there who would applaud this stance, stubbornly seeing the world in black and white, refusing to admit there might be gray.

Why it sucks: Because it ignores the human element. Listen, I am a fan of having a process and some rules.  Consistency is an important part of scalability and, dare I say, fairness.  But you’ve got to be able to make a decision that makes SENSE.  It’s like zero tolerance policies – when you adopt an all or nothing approach, you end up suspending a 5 year old for making explosion sound effects because you’re afraid he might be a terrorist.

What do you do? The first thing you need to do is realize that your boss is motivate by rules and regulations.  Rah-rah moments like getting the previously-unresponsive Chief to raise his hand will not inspire your boss to change his/her ways.  Discuss the policy/rule with your boss, and understand why he/she is sticking to it.  Then find a way to base your argument for a decision that meets the parameters your boss outlines.

The Situation: The Boss doesn’t like to rock the boat.

The best thing we can do is go on with our daily routine.

Nurse Ratched approaches her job with the mantra that boredom = routine = sanity.  Steady as she goes.  Go about your business.  This too shall pass.  Any way you say it, you’re dealing with a Boss who wants to keep his head down and his people quiet.

Why this sucks: Because variety is the spice of life!  Innovation comes from friction – we don’t like something, so we change it.  Neuroscience tells us that a great way to keep the brain young is to keep learning new things.  And who doesn’t want a young brain? A boss who doesn’t encourage experimentation and dialogue will soon have a team of clock-watching zombies, shuffling about the office, waiting for their time to go home.  I’ve been in companies where people confuse stability with success. It keeps you from realizing your full potential as an employee, and that can make you bitter over time.

What do you do? If your boss is truly as risk- or change-averse as Nurse Ratched, you may be better off finding a champion outside of the team.  A mentor who can help you develop your ideas or point you towards some even better ones may help keep you challenged, even if your boss can’t.  Keep up on the latest and greatest ideas in your industry.  Read…a LOT.  Do anything you can to break your own routines.

The Situation: The Boss surrounds herself with group think, and is protected because of it.

Year by year she accumulates her ideal staff: doctors, all ages and types, come and rise up in front of her with ideas of their own about the way a ward should be run, some with backbone enough to stand behind their ideas, and she fixes these doctors with dry-ice eyes day in, day out, until they retreat with unnatural chills.

That pretty much sums it up.

Why this sucks: Because not only does the same bad thinking get perpetuated at the top, but anyone who tries to oppose this thinking gets shot down…to the point that people stop trying to change a terrible culture.  Apathy is one of the most depressing cultures, in my opinion.  Give me enthusiastic yes-men over people who don’t care (if I had to choose…but I wouldn’t want to choose).

What do you do? Keep trying.  McMurphy tried to rally his fellow ward-mates by playing poker, watching baseball – reminding them what it was like to be a human being.  Do the same with your coworkers.  Encourage their ideas, lift their spirits, remind everyone why they do what they do.  Not every boss lasts forever.  Your attempts to keep the dream alive will help your team, and it will give you something to fight for, too.

The Last Resort

No, I’m not talking about the scene where McMurphy attacks Nurse Ratched. Sheesh, people.  This is a leadership blog, for goodness’ sake!

The reality is that some bosses cannot be outlasted.  After all, Nurse Ratched, though bowed, was not broken.  At some point, despite all your efforts, you find that you can’t fight anymore – the rest of the team moves on, you lose your mentor, you notice you’re not the chipper person you used to be.  You may need to simply move on and live to fight another day.  And as long as you gave it your best, you can leave with your head held high.

‘But I tried though,’ he says. ‘Goddammit, I sure as hell did that much, now, didn’t I?’

Do you have a survival story?  I want to hear about it!  Leave a comment below!!!