Category: Skillz

Leaders: Don’t be an asshole

Whether you want it or not, the title of ‘leader’ comes with more than more responsibility and more headaches. It also comes with a lot power – or at the very least, perceived power.

This perception may not come from your peers or from the power that be. It comes from your direct reports. In their world, you’re kind of a big deal. You can hire, fire, write up, praise, assign work – in short, make their lives great or miserable.

And you thought you were just some middle manager. dibboss

Now that you’re drunk with power and omnipotence, listen up.

Don’t be an asshole.

Sometimes it’s tempting to throw all that power around, particularly when you’ve had a bad day or just came out of a meeting where you were made to feel like a powerless employee. Just…don’t.

The thing is, your actions resonate loudly as a leader – and nowhere loudest than with your people.

In case you can’t possibly think of how you’re being an asshole, here are some ways asshole status might be achieved and how to avoid being “that manager.” (And notice, being an asshole doesn’t always mean being belligerent.):

  • Ignore them: Employees like to be noticed.  If you’re in the office, stop by a few times.
  • Yell at them: Seriously. Yelling is what happens when you can’t use your words. And it’s unacceptable.
  • Forget what it’s like to be new at something: Leaders need patience. Everyone was new at something once, so take a breath and coach them to competence.
  • Take credit for their work: That’s downright crappy. They worked hard – they deserve the credit.
  • Give them the blame: Guess what? Their failures are your failures. Do you hold them accountable for their actions? Absolutely! But finger pointing is classic asshole behavior.
  • Wait too long to give feedback: Don’t surprise them with a bad review or corrective action. You owe it to your people to give them a chance to get better.

It really boils down to this – remember that boss you once had that was a total asshole?

Don’t be that boss.

It’s as simple as that.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided.

Finding your voice (or…writer’s block sucks)

Full disclosure: I’ve started and stopped about 5 different posts today.

I come up with a title, write a sentence or two, and then stare at the computer.  Or my phone. Or the TV (Chopped is on, people!). It sucks. It’s frustrating. I hate it.

Rather than fight through and try to write a post that refuses to be written, I hit “save draft,” open a new window, and start writing a new post.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I take this approach because forcing words down on the page results in a crappy product.  Stephen King once said that you should first write for yourself, then worry about the audience. He also says that you need stick to your own style because that’s the only way you’ll have truthiness – and I think he’s right.  I have to write in a way that feels true to my voice and my weird perspective on things or else the story and meaning falls flat.Stephen King

And so I keep changing my approach, trying on different topics to see if one “fits” better today so I can write the whole darn thing.

Writer’s block in leadership is sort of like this, but instead of trying to write a post that just won’t be written, you end up unable to lead –  saying the same things over and over again to your employees the exact same way and then end up surprised that they STILL aren’t changing their behavior.

You can break your “leader’s block” by following Stephen King’s advice. Rather than trying to go “by the book” and follow someone else’s leadership model or process to the letter, you need to first lead for yourself…then worry about your employees. Find your own voice and perspective – and the employees will respond.

Ask yourself:

  • Why am I a leader? Do I like being a leader?
  • Assuming I DO like being a leader, what do I like about it?
  • What do I think a leader’s job IS? Am I doing that job?
  • What are some aspects of other leaders I admire? How can I incorporate it into my personal style?

None of these questions is a cure for leader’s block on its own. It’s the equivalent of practicing your writing until your own perspective shines through. Leaders grow through experience, through trial and error. You owe it to yourself – and your employees – to break through your block and find your voice. Keep trying; keep leading; keep exploring.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

You learn best by reading a lot and writing a lot, and the most valuable lessons of all are the ones you teach yourself. – Stephen King

So, you’re a crappy employee. Now what?

Okay, maybe you’re not really a crappy employee.  Maybe you’re just a misunderstood genius.  A tortured artist whose brilliance is unappreciated by the rest of us.

Right.

Or maybe you really are an employee who just isn’t very good at your job.

Hey, it happens. Sometimes responsibilities change and you don’t have the necessary skills.  Sometimes you take a stretch job and you’re in over your head. Sometimes you get a new boss you just don’t get along with.  Sometimes you just run out of gas.

Whatever it is, you probably know you’re not doing your best, and it bothers you. A lot.

Nobody likes being bad at their job. And contrary to popular belief, most employees know when they are struggling.  We don’t always admit it…but deep down, we know.

never_said_incompetent

The real question is – what do you want to do about it? Well, you have a few choices:

  • Decide if you want to stay in your current job: Maybe you like your job.  Maybe you don’t like your current job but need it.  Or maybe you really hate it and have the freedom to walk away.  Figure out the answer to that question and act on it.
  • If you want to leave, leave: Don’t be one of those people who quits but keeps coming in every day. It hurts your reputation, hurts your teammates, and never turns out well.  If you’ve decided to leave, do it sooner rather than later. But leave like a grown up, okay? No mic drops needed.
  • If you want to stay, fight for it: Acknowledge that you are not performing up to expectations. Get some help.  Ask for for honest, specific feedback from your manager, stakeholders, teammates – anyone who can give you some suggestions on how to turn things around. And don’t settle for “just do better.”  Ain’t nobody can act on that advice.
  • Own it: Maybe someone else was the spark for your troubles at work, but you’re the one who controls your actions. Admit you own your performance and the outcomes.  It’s the only way you will be able to make the necessary changes.
  • Get your head on straight: If you’re having trouble at work, you’re probably not the happiest person right now. It’s easy to work yourself into a downward spiral with negative self-talk and a crappy attitude. Take some time to reflect on how you got to where you are. Confide in a friend, a group of friends, a therapist, your dog – whoever you need in order to help you work on your outlook.
  • Keep checking in: It didn’t take you a day to turn into a crappy employee, so give yourself some time and keep the dialogue with your manager open.  Course correct as needed and keep moving in the right direction.

Whatever you decide to deal with your current situation, don’t forget to celebrate the wins. When you’re in a tough situation, you can forget how awesome success can feel. Whether you quit a job you hate or decide to take control of your current performance – you deserve a little pat on the back. It takes courage to take action when you feel beat up.

You might be a crappy employee now, but there’s no excuse to STAY a crappy employee.

You can do it. I believe in you. After all…you’re a misunderstood genius.

Just like the rest of us.

 

Failure is good as long as it doesn’t become a habit.
~ Michael Eisner