Category: Skillz

The power of downtime (or why it’s okay that I watched 3 hours of Chopped)

Feeling run down? Burned out? Too darn tired to think?

You’re not alone.

Americans work more hours than any other developed nation in the world. We take fewer vacations. We like to complain about how much we work…especially when we log in at night on our computers or smart phones to quickly check some emails so we can get a jump on our day tomorrow.

Oh, and those supposedly time-saving electronics? Those are seriously messing with our ability to get the rest we need. Which means when we get to work the next day, we will be too tired to focus, which may lead to feeling like we’re falling behind, thereby making us feel like we HAVE to check our emails right before we go to bed.

And so it goes.

It’s not just work that has us in its grip. We’re constantly pulled in several directions – family, pets, friends, church, grocery shopping (ugh) – it all erodes at our ability to feel centered and in some semblance of control. Even when you love what you are doing, it can wear on you.

chopped_fan1

Do you think it’s not impacting your performance at work? Do you think it’s not impacting your relationships outside of work?

Let me know when you come back to reality, you incredibly misguided (yet blissfully hopeful) soul.

That’s why I’m making the case for Couch Night / Binge Watching / Vegging Out. Sometimes it’s perfectly okay to sit like a lump and let your brain take a rest. There are those who would probably advocate more for an evening picnic, or a walk with the family around the block. That’s fine. If you want to be all active and one with nature, more power to you. (Actually, exercise is really good for reducing stress. Go do that. But don’t be all #humblebrag about it, okay?)

Me? I watch Chopped. Like…a LOT of Chopped*.

Zero demands on my brain, zero stress, no concerns about SPOILERS (I’m looking at you, Game of Thrones watchers), and I occasionally learn something about cooking. But that’s not important. What’s important is that it helps me decompress and step away from the day to day of work.

The 24/7 cycle of work, social media, and your “brand” puts so much pressure on people to be “on” all the time. We feel pressure to be perfect. We feel pressure to clever. We feel pressure to be productive.

We feel pressure.

I say screw that. Unplug. Watch too much TV for one night; eat some ice cream; build a Lego Death Star; whatever helps you chill out, renew, and refresh – and do it without feeling guilty.

You’ve earned that downtime, dammit.

Use it.

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.
– Chinese Proverb

*I also have an unhealthy love of Air Disasters and Engineering Disasters. I’m weird, okay?

Leaders: Don’t be an asshole

Whether you want it or not, the title of ‘leader’ comes with more than more responsibility and more headaches. It also comes with a lot power – or at the very least, perceived power.

This perception may not come from your peers or from the power that be. It comes from your direct reports. In their world, you’re kind of a big deal. You can hire, fire, write up, praise, assign work – in short, make their lives great or miserable.

And you thought you were just some middle manager. dibboss

Now that you’re drunk with power and omnipotence, listen up.

Don’t be an asshole.

Sometimes it’s tempting to throw all that power around, particularly when you’ve had a bad day or just came out of a meeting where you were made to feel like a powerless employee. Just…don’t.

The thing is, your actions resonate loudly as a leader – and nowhere loudest than with your people.

In case you can’t possibly think of how you’re being an asshole, here are some ways asshole status might be achieved and how to avoid being “that manager.” (And notice, being an asshole doesn’t always mean being belligerent.):

  • Ignore them: Employees like to be noticed.  If you’re in the office, stop by a few times.
  • Yell at them: Seriously. Yelling is what happens when you can’t use your words. And it’s unacceptable.
  • Forget what it’s like to be new at something: Leaders need patience. Everyone was new at something once, so take a breath and coach them to competence.
  • Take credit for their work: That’s downright crappy. They worked hard – they deserve the credit.
  • Give them the blame: Guess what? Their failures are your failures. Do you hold them accountable for their actions? Absolutely! But finger pointing is classic asshole behavior.
  • Wait too long to give feedback: Don’t surprise them with a bad review or corrective action. You owe it to your people to give them a chance to get better.

It really boils down to this – remember that boss you once had that was a total asshole?

Don’t be that boss.

It’s as simple as that.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided.

Finding your voice (or…writer’s block sucks)

Full disclosure: I’ve started and stopped about 5 different posts today.

I come up with a title, write a sentence or two, and then stare at the computer.  Or my phone. Or the TV (Chopped is on, people!). It sucks. It’s frustrating. I hate it.

Rather than fight through and try to write a post that refuses to be written, I hit “save draft,” open a new window, and start writing a new post.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

I take this approach because forcing words down on the page results in a crappy product.  Stephen King once said that you should first write for yourself, then worry about the audience. He also says that you need stick to your own style because that’s the only way you’ll have truthiness – and I think he’s right.  I have to write in a way that feels true to my voice and my weird perspective on things or else the story and meaning falls flat.Stephen King

And so I keep changing my approach, trying on different topics to see if one “fits” better today so I can write the whole darn thing.

Writer’s block in leadership is sort of like this, but instead of trying to write a post that just won’t be written, you end up unable to lead –  saying the same things over and over again to your employees the exact same way and then end up surprised that they STILL aren’t changing their behavior.

You can break your “leader’s block” by following Stephen King’s advice. Rather than trying to go “by the book” and follow someone else’s leadership model or process to the letter, you need to first lead for yourself…then worry about your employees. Find your own voice and perspective – and the employees will respond.

Ask yourself:

  • Why am I a leader? Do I like being a leader?
  • Assuming I DO like being a leader, what do I like about it?
  • What do I think a leader’s job IS? Am I doing that job?
  • What are some aspects of other leaders I admire? How can I incorporate it into my personal style?

None of these questions is a cure for leader’s block on its own. It’s the equivalent of practicing your writing until your own perspective shines through. Leaders grow through experience, through trial and error. You owe it to yourself – and your employees – to break through your block and find your voice. Keep trying; keep leading; keep exploring.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

You learn best by reading a lot and writing a lot, and the most valuable lessons of all are the ones you teach yourself. – Stephen King