Finding balance in an unbalanced world

I struggle with the whole “work-life” thing.

I’ve never been good at moderation. Typically, when I do something I go full-bore – if I’m focused, I’m VERY focused. If I’m procrastinating, I am REALLY procrastinating. Seriously. I rock at procrastination.

For many, this is a familiar feeling. We struggle with the demands of work. We struggle with the demands of home. Hell, we struggle with the demands of a DVR backlog that just keeps growing.

It’s the little things that throw us off.

The only thing that really helps keep me sane is knowing that MOST people struggle with balance.

Leaders struggle to balance likability and accountability. Employees struggle to balance face time and results.

We all struggle with something.

Overwhelmed. Stressed. Frustrated. Burned out.

The stress of trying to maintain this balance impacts our health – so much so that sites like WebMD and the Mayo Clinic include tips on how to manage our lives.

The challenge with finding balance is that it is so specific to each person and where that person is in his/her life.

Work-life balance for a single person just starting out might mean working long hours and never unplugging, answering emails at all hours of the night – even when on vacation. Work-life balance for a new parent might mean leaving right at 4:00pm every day, spending time with the kiddos, and then logging back in late at night to finish up…or even having the chance to work from home when possible.

You can switch those two scenarios and STILL be right. Because balance isn’t something you dictate to someone else – it’s something each person must find on their own.

As leaders, the best we can do is help our people find their balance while still achieving expected results (and results shouldn’t always require face time). This means setting realistic, adaptable goals; learning that setting all priorities to “high” is not practical; and accepting that life happens to us all. Leaders should remove obstacles – not create them.

As employees, we can help ourselves by communicating our needs for balance, setting boundaries, and working with our leaders to find ways to ensure the work gets done without going insane. This means getting our work done in a timely fashion with high quality; being present when we are at work; and NOT taking advantage of our teammates who may have different definitions of work-life balance. Employees should provide suggestions – not excuses.

To illustrate the personal nature of finding balance, I want to share a few ideas I have for me. Remember, these may or may not work for you – but hopefully it will get you thinking about how you can find your own balance:

Get moving: I am not what I would call an “exercise lover”, but I do notice lower stress and better energy when I have a regular exercise program. So I do my best to run, work out, walk around, whatever it is. I’m hoping my new Up24 helps keep me on track in this respect.
Get organized: I’m pretty organized…but I don’t always act on that plan. Because I can be so busy I end up doing nothing, I need to use my love of to do lists to my advantage.
Save my best for home: I’ve heard this from several colleagues – we give our all at work…to the point we are completely spent when we are with the people we love. Work will get what it needs to get done, but my “real life” deserves more.
Choose unbalance when it makes sense: As author Alain De Botton once said, “everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.” The operative word here is choose. Moving forward, innovation, change – all of these require some manner of unbalance, and I will decide when that’s the best path.
Do more stuff I enjoy: I like writing. I like reading. I like chatting with my network of online friends. I like saving baby pandas on my iPad. I like going out to eat and having fun. I want to do more fun things, and fewer things I “have” to do. This is my motivation to do everything else on this list.

This isn’t everything I’m working on to find my balance, just a sample. But it’s a start.

Comparison is the thief of joy. ~Theodore Roosevelt

How are you finding balance in an unbalanced world? Share in the comments!

Control Yourself (or face the Wrath of Dilfer)

It’s funny how Trent Dilfer keeps saying things that relate to being a person in the modern workplace.

And people say sports analogies are overused. (They are, but stick with me here.)

In his post-game analysis of the “game” between Green Bay and Chicago, Trent Dilfer referenced the fact that an athlete can’t control who they play, when they play, or the conditions in which they play. But they CAN control three things:

Their attitude
Their effort
Their energy

After dropping this knowledge bomb, Trent went on to rip into the Bears.

Regardless of your feelings about football, the Packers, the Bears, or even Trent Dilfer, the point he made is incredibly applicable to each of us working in the corporate jungle.

We don’t always have full control of with whom we work, the environment in which we work, the traffic in which we drive, the customers we serve, or the load of craziness that gets dumped on our desk every single day.

We do, however, have control over how we respond to it.

How you choose to control what you can control is up to you. The point is…CONTROL it. You won’t always be successful, but at least you won’t have any excuses. Don’t set yourself up for embarrassment. (I mean, 6 TDs in the first half, guys?? For shame, Bears.)

So my challenge to each of us as we make the final push towards the holidays and year end is to make our New Year’s Resolutions early.

I will check my attitude at regular intervals throughout the day, and ensure I’m controlling it and not the other way around.

I will put forth the appropriate effort in my work. If I’m working too hard on unimportant things, I will fix it. If I’m not working hard enough on important things, I will figure out why…and I will fix it.

I will take care of myself to ensure I have the energy for both work and home, and I will prioritize my energy for the things that matter most.

Stay focused. Keep control. Do your best. Own the outcomes.

And don’t give Trent Dilfer a reason to make this face.

‘Do you want to play Questions?’ (your secret weapon)

Have you ever read/saw Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead? It’s an amazing play turned into a very good movie about two of the throwaway characters in Hamlet whose claim to fame is that they are outwitted by the brooding prince and executed in England.

In one scene, the two play a game called “Questions” – they must, not so surprisingly, only speak in the form of questions. Hesitation, statements, or non sequiturs are not allowed. If someone goofs, the other person scores a point (or forfeits, or however you want to play it).

In the play, the scene is meant to further illustrate the limits of language and futility in seeking existential knowledge. But what it also does is remind us of the POWER of asking questions.

As leaders and as employees, we can benefit from playing our own version Questions when holding important conversations or when confronted with a potentially sensitive situation. These conversations are filled with potential land mines – your innocent statement or observation could set the other person off because you didn’t know where they were coming from.

Forcing yourself to focus on questions rather than statements has a number of benefits. You signal you’re willing to listen. Good questioning invites the other person in. Questioning indicates you’re seeking understanding, rather than imposing your interpretation of events. When you ask questions, you actually have to listen to what the other person is saying, so that your next question makes sense in the context of the conversation. And an added bonus, asking questions increases the chance that the other person might find their own solution.

There is, however, an art to using the questioning technique effectively. After all, simply asking “How did that make you feel?” or “So you’re saying that customer was rude to you?” can sound condescending if that’s all you say. Just follow the Questions rules:

No statements: Move the conversation forward with a question rather than your own statement. [And yes, I know that you will have to use SOME statements. Just try to minimize them.]
No repetition: Stay engaged, pay attention. If you find yourself repeating the other person’s words back to them, or ask the same question over and over, RE-ENGAGE.
No synonyms: It’s just a fancy way of repeating. Show off.
No rhetoric: The intent of the questions is to seek clarity, not to stump the other person. Does this mean every question you ask will be answered? No. But you should give them a fair chance.

So the next time you are in a scenario that could get messy, try following Rosencrantz and Guildenstern’s example. Give yourself a deduction every time you break the rules and see how it turns out. You might be surprised that all it took to defuse the situation was a few good questions.

“Words, words. They’re all we have to go on.”
― Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: